Joke of the Week #16

An absent-minded professor and his equally absent-minded wife are watching TV one evening.

"Would you like some ice cream, dear?" he asks.

"Yes, please." she replies.

"What flavor would you like?"

"Strawberry, please. I'll write it down so you won't forget."

"Oh no, not necessary, dear. Strawberry ice cream should be easy enough to remember."

"But I'd also like marshmallow and rainbow sprinkles on it."

"How could I forget that?"

He goes into the kitchen; after a few minutes, he comes back with a plate of bacon and eggs.

"See?" she says. "I knew I should've written it down. You forgot the buttered toast."

Music Word Puzzles #1

Can you guess the song titles in the puzzles below?

(Answers below!)

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1.Walking on Sunshine by Katrina and the Waves or Aly and A.J.

2.Turn the Beat Around by Vicki Sue Robinson or Gloria Estefan

3.Sally Go 'Round the Roses by The Jaynetts

4.Little Bird by Annie Lennox

5.The Shadow of Your Smile by Tony Bennet

6.I'm Leaving It Up To You by Dale and Grace

7.The Tide is High by Blondie

8.Keep It Dark by Genesis

9.June Afternoon by Roxette

10.Love at First Sight by Kylie Minogue or Love at First Sight by Styx

11.Walking on Air by The Bee Gees

12.Glad All Over by the Dave Clark Five*

13.Ghost in the Firewall by Arena*

14.Live it Up by Ziggy Marley

15.Make it Big by The Beach Boys

*Regrettably, I couldn't find download links for either of these songs, but as soon as they become available, I'll post them.

Classic Cartoon Showcase:Popeye in Me Musical Nephews

(I've always loved the title of this one!) In this humorous classic, the famous sailor invites his nephews to sleep over at his house...and they end up keeping him awake all night by playing music! Please enjoy!

Regarding the bedtime story Popeye tells, as Full House's ever-quotable D.J. Tanner once said, "No monsters, no witches...but that story was still very scary!" :-D

Joke of the Week #15

Carl is walking along the beach when he discovers a magic lamp partially buried in the sand. He pulls it out, rubs it, and a genie appears.

"I can grant you three wishes." the genie says. "What will you first wish be?"

Carl thinks for about a second, then says, "I wish I was the richest man on Earth."

A puff of smoke rises in the air and suddenly the entire beach is covered in gold coins. "Now," the genie says. "What will your second wish be?"

"I wish to have muscles." Carl says.

Another puff of smoke appears, and suddenly Carl has the finest muscles ever seen. "And what will your final wish be?" the genie asks.

"I wish to be irresistible to girls." Carl says.

A final puff of smoke appears and Carl turns into a Barbie doll.

Music Showcase:Destructive Wave by S-Dynamites

This instrumental song(which IMHO sounds a little like a surfing tune!) is from the video games GuitarFreaks V and DrumMania V. The video it's set to features the misadventures of a Power Rangers-esque team of superhero pets(a dog, a cat and a hamster) who are...really inept! Please enjoy!

For some reason, the monster in this video reminds me of the Junkman from Jimmy Neutron. He does kind of have a similar look about him.

Music Showcase:In Your Arms by Kina Grannis

Get ready for the weirdest music video you may ever see! In this video, singer Kina Grannis sings in front of an ever-changing surreal background made entirely of Jelly Belly jelly beans. If you like music and you like jelly beans, this is the video for you! Please enjoy!

Book Review:George's Marvelous Medicine by Roald Dahl

Something's cookin' in the kitchen!

Here's a review of yet another Roald Dahl classic.

George is a little boy who lives on a farm with his parents, and has a kinda'...sorta'...(VERY!) huge problem:his grandma. You see, she isn't your typical kind of grandma, the sweet, kind, loves-her grandkids-like-crazy, gives-plenty-of-hugs-and-kisses, takes-her-grandkids-out-for-ice-cream-and/or-to-the-zoo kind. No, she's the meanest, nastiest, most hygeine-deficient old lady you'd ever care to meet, and constantly bullies poor little George.(George even wonders if she might be a witch...Honestly, she missed a good bet if she wasn't!)

George is in charge of giving Granny her medicine; he notes to himself that it never seems to her any good, because it never improves her demeanor at all. So, George decides then and there that he'll cook up a medicine that hopefully will change her attitude. He then sets about roaming around the house, gathering up various household items(shaving cream, floor wax, birdseed, hairspray, antifreeze et al.) and mixing them up in a large cooking pot.

When George gives this concoction to Granny, however, it ends up having an effect he hadn't reckoned on...it causes her to grow to a GINORMOUS size!(Unfortunately, however, it doesn't improve upon her mood at all.) :-(

Granny doesn't believe that George's medicine caused this, so George endeavors to prove it to her by feeding the medicine to a nearby chicken, which also not only grows huge, but lays a massive egg.

George's father is very intrigued by this, and asks George to dose several other farm animals(chickens, cows, pigs, sheep et al.) as well. George's father wants to market the medicine...but can George remember the formula? And what about Grandma?


My thoughts:Honestly, this is one of Dahl's funnier books, with animals(as well as Granny!) jittering around, flying into the air, and screaming "OWEE!", and many weird, wacky things happening. (Triple LOL with whipped cream and a strawberry on top!)
:-D :-D :-D

My only beef about this book is:

-Like a few other people that have reviewed this book, I didn't much go for what ended up happening to the grandma.(To embellish upon a quote from this Littlest Pet Shop episode, "The old lady was creepy, but even she didn't deserve that!)

All in all, a good, humorous, well-written book that any Roald Dahl aficionado is sure to enjoy.

Buy it on Amazon!

Funny Poem Showcase:There Was an Old Person of Wick by Edward Lear

o.O

There's a Mystery in Town, So Call the Coolest Pup Around

...Oh, Scooby, A Pup Named Scooby Doo!

Woohoo! Yay! 100 posts! Yippee! All Right! Ah...ahem, where was I? Ohhh, yes....

A Pup Named Scooby Doo was a cartoon series made by Hanna-Barbera in 1988. It featured Scooby Doo and the gang as 10-year olds, back when the Scooby Doo Detective Agency was first established. The premise was basically the same as previous Scooby Doo series:the gang was called on to investigate a mystery involving a ghost or monster of some sort, which would always turn out to be a disguised villain. What really set this series apart, however, is that it was much more humorous, with wacky situations, goofy characters, and bizarre monsters being commonplace. Many of such wacky monsters included a clown ghost, a haunted hamburger, a strange alien, the ghost of a(very) strict librarian, a one-eyed sludge monster...

...and then there's Chickenstein.! (...Yeah.)

Various running gags were commonplace in most episodes, such as Daphne calling her ever-patient butler Jenkins to do things for her, and Freddy blaming the aptly-named town bully Red Herring for being the guilty party. (Which he never was!)

Wild takes were also very commonplace; as suggested on this TV Tropes page, you really do get the notion that the artists were running a bet on who could draw the wilder take.

Here, as per example, are Exhibit A....

...and Exhibit B.

Overall, this is a good, funny, and extremely humorous show. The characters are, as always, likeable and well-cast, retaining their personalities faithfully from the original. Personally, this is one of my favorite Scooby Doo incarnations(next to anything with Scrappy Doo in it. *GUILTY*) An excellent show that any Scooby Doo fan is sure to love.

The theme song's mighty good, too!

All four seasons of the show are available on DVD at the links below:

Season One

Seasons Two, Three, and Four

"Scooby-Dooby-Doo-oo-oo!"

Book Review:The Magic Finger by Roald Dahl

Another review of another classic by the great Roald Dahl.

This story is told from the perspective of a little girl whose neighbors, the Greggs(Mr. and Mrs. Gregg and their sons Philip and William*) are very avid hunters; every Saturday, they go into the woods seeking out various animals(mostly ducks and deer) for the pleasure of shooting them. Naturally, the little girl doesn't appreciate this, and she tries to tell the Greggs to stop, but they rudely give her the brush-off. Well, this turns out to be a very unwise move on their part, because something they don't realize about this particular little girl is that she has...a MAGIC FINGER!

All this little girl has to do is point her magic finger at someone, and fantastic things happen to them. Proof positive comes the next morning when the Greggs wake up to discover that they've shrunken down to duck size and grown wings!!

And, on top of this, a family of ducks end up growing to human size, gaining human arms, and taking up residence in the Greggs' house!

The Greggs have to adjust to life despite this...but will they ever learn their lesson?




My thoughts:This is a very cute, clever, well-written book; the illustrations by Tony Ross(who also illustrated, among other things, the Little Wolf book series) are excellent.** The story, interestingly enough, has two morals. The first, more obvious one is, as the ever-quotable Popeye once said, "Be kind to aminals", which is, in fact, a pretty good idea. :-D  The second, slightly more vague moral is presented by the little girl herself, in that she tends to zap people, in anger, with her magic finger, and ends up appalled by the end results, the implicit moral being, "It's best if people control their tempers, otherwise they never know what can of worms  they might open," which is also a pretty good idea.

My only beefs about this book are:

-It's kind of short, especially compared with Dahl's other books.

-We never do find out what the little girl's name is.

All things said, this is a good, high-quality, and very enjoyable Roald Dahl classic.


*On an interesting note, the sons' names could be abbreviated as, "Phil and Will"(or possibly "Phil and Bill), which sounds similar to the names of another certain famous pair of siblings.

**There's another version of this book with illustrations by Quentin Blake(who's illustrated most of Dahl's other books); the illustrations of which are also very good.

Buy it on Amazon!

Funny Poem Showcase:There Was an Old Man of Spithead by Edward Lear

...What more can we say about this?

Funny Poem Showcase:There Was a Young Lady in Blue by Edward Lear

Okay, well...

Jokes of the Week #14:Funny Families

George:"Last night I came home to a family that gave me lots of love and sympathy."

Molly:"Oh, how sweet!"

George:"Yes...except I was at the wrong house!"

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Dad:"Why is your little brother crying, Max?"

Max:"Because I wouldn't share my piece of cherry pie."

Dad:"What happened to his piece?"

Max:"Oh, he cried when I ate that, too."

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Stacy:"Mommy, Billy broke my baby doll."

Mom:"Oh dear! How did he do it?"

Stacy:"I hit him over the head with it."

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A little boy is travelling in an elevator with his parents. Five minutes into the ride, he taps his father on the shoulder. His father bends down, and the little boy whispers something in his ear.

"No." the father says.

Five minutes later, the little boy taps his father on the shoulder again, and whispers something in his ear again.

"No." the father says, with a touch of aggravation in his voice.

Five minutes later, the little boy taps his father on the shoulder yet again, at which point the father loses patience and says, "I don't care how Spiderman does it! We're going up this way!"

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As she passes her son's room one night, Jeff's mom hears a booming voice cry out, "Alas, poor Yorick, I knew him, Horatio..."

"Jeff!" his mother yells, knocking on the door. "What are you doing in there?"

"Why, I'm doing just what you'd told me to do," Jeff replies. "You told me to stay in my room until I learned how to act."

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Mr. Greyson:"Happy Anniversary, honey! I got you a DVD player."

Mrs. Greyson:"Oh, thank you so much, darling, but...how did you ever afford it?"

Mr. Greyson:"I traded our TV set for it."

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Norman and his brother Archie sit down to eat a sandwich. Norman cuts the sandwich into two unequal pieces; Archie takes the bigger piece and leaves the smaller piece for Norman.

"That was so rude." Norman says. "I would have taken the smaller piece and given you the bigger one."

"Well...you got it, so what's the big deal?" Archie replies.

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Dad:"I can't believe you hit a baseball through Mr. Brenton's window. What did he say about it?"

Tommy:"Would you like me to leave out the swear words?"

Dad:"Yes, of course."

Tommy:"Well, in that case, he didn't say anything."

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Danny:"My uncle stopped smoking cold turkey."

Erin:"How's he feeling?"

Danny:"Better, but he keeps coughing up feathers."

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Two teenage girls come home from school crying their eyes out. "There, there, dears," their mother says. "Please, tell me what the matter is."

"Oh," the first girl says. "Everyone keeps picking on me. They call me, 'Big Foot', 'Flat Foot', 'You got big, flat, ugly, hideous feet.'"

"Now, Cindy dear," her mother says consolingly. "Don't listen to them. You're very beautiful." She then turns to the other girl. "Now Abby, might I ask what the matter is, please?"

"Well," Abby replies. "I've been invited to a ski party this weekend, and I can't find my skis anywhere!"

"Don't worry, dear," her mother replies. "You can just borrow Cindy's shoes."

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Lucy:"You won't believe this, but my husband let his crazy sister name our new twin son and daughter."

Fiona:""Really? What did she name them?"

Lucy:"Denise and Denephew."

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A cavewoman screams to her husband, "A T-Rex just got into my mother's cave!"

He calls back, "Well, who cares what happens to a T-Rex?"

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Teacher:"Sally, why is your report, 'My Dog', identical to your brother's?"

Sally:"It's the same dog."

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Frankie is visiting his neighbors. As he's walking through their dining room, he notices, to his shock, that the neighbors' little boy is pounding nails into their expensive furniture.

"How can you afford to let him do that?!" Frankie asks.

"Oh, it's no big deal, really," the neighbors reply. "We get the nails on the cheap."

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Bailey:"My sister's on a raw fish diet."

Wendy:"Has she lost any weight?"

Bailey:"No, but you should see her swim, and balance a beach ball on her nose!"

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For his birthday, little Timmy was given three pet chickens. Timmy loved his pets, and played with them every day, but soon, they started making pests of themselves. Timmy would keep forgetting to close the door to the chickens' pen, and they would get into the house and start squawking, scratching and pecking the furniture, and sending feathers flying everywhere. When one of the chickens scratched up Timmy's dad's slippers, he lost his temper.

"If this keeps happening," he shouted, "We're going to have those chickens for dinner!"

"Gee, that sounds great!" Timmy says, his face lighting up. "But...how will they hold the silverware?"

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A Scotsman arrived in New York and soon was set up in his own apartment. After a few weeks, his mother called him to see how he was doing.

"Awful, just awful." he says. "All day long some crazy guy in the room next to me bangs on my wall and yells, 'I can't stand it! I can't stand it! Make it stop, make it stop, make it stop!!'"

"Oh sweetie, how awful!" his mother replies.

"But that's not all," he continues. "In the room on the other side some lady wails and moans all day long."

"I'm so sorry, dear." his mother says. "I think the best thing to do in this situation would be to keep to yourself."

"Oh, I do," he replies. "I just sit in my room all day and play the bagpipes."

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Joey and his sister Jessie went into a diner, and sat their lunchboxes down on the table.

"Hey!" the waitress said. "You can't eat your own food here!"

So Joey and Jessie swapped lunchboxes.

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Little Jimmy tore his pants while playing outside. His mother says to him, "Now, Jimmy, I'd like you to stay in your room while I mend your pants, and I'll call you when I'm done." Jimmy happily obliges.

A few minutes later, Jimmy's mother hears some noises coming from the basement; naturally, she assumes that Jimmy must have disobeyed her and gone downstairs without her permission. She yells down the stairs, "You bad boy, are you running around downstairs without your pants on?!"

A deep man's voice replies, "No, lady, I'm just checking the heat register."

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Do you know that robot?

No, but I'm friends with his tran-sister!

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A man and his wife are on vacation. As they're driving along, they come to the town of Kissimme; they have the hardest time trying to figure out how the town's name is pronounced. Eventually, they stop at a restaurant to have lunch. The man goes up to a waiter and says, "My wife and I have been wondering how to pronounce the name of this place ever since we got here, and I was wondering if you wouldn't mind pronouncing the name of this place slowly and clearly for us, please?"

The waiter gives him an odd look, then says, "Piiiiiiiiiizzaaaa Huuuuuuut."

Music Showcase:Luvly, Merry-Go-Round by Pipo Angels

This very cool(and very energetic!) song is from the video games GuitarFreaks 11th Mix and DrumMania 10th Mix. The video it's set to features the(occasionally bizarre) escapades of a little girl and her(super-cute!) little dog. Please enjoy!

Here also is the full version of this song; the video of which is...rather hyper! Please enjoy!

Music Showcase:Sweet Illusion by VIVI

This very pretty song is from the video games Guitarfreaks 8 and Drummania 7. The video it's set to, which features a little girl, is one of the cutest ever. Please enjoy!

Book Review:Chocolate Fever by Robert Kimmel Smith

Here's a review of another classic!

Some people say that Henry Green wasn't actually born, but hatched, like a chick, from a cocoa bean. Can you believe that? Henry absolutely LOVES chocolate more than most people do(he even gives John Midas a run for his money!), and even adds some to everything he eats(Chocolate syrup on pancakes, chocolate sprinkles sprinkled on top of pasta, chocolate bar sandwiches, chocolate syrup mixed into mashed potatoes, etc.). As Henry soon discovers, however, too much of a good thing may not necessarily be a good thing! One day, he discovers several little brown spots on his arm, which soon start popping out all over his body(with an audible popping sound, even)!

When Henry's condition is checked out by the school nurse, and eventually the doctor, it's revealed that the spots are made out of pure chocolate. The doctor thus dubs the condition "Chocolate Fever", which he assumes is sure to make medical history. Henry, not caring for this kind of fame, quickly runs away from the hospital, with the doctors in hot pursuit. Things look bleak for Henry, until he meets a kindly trucker named Mac.




My Thoughts:A very interesting, funny, well-written, and very nicely illustrated book. The characters are very likeable and have lots of personality(Mac's my fav character!); Henry himself is a very likeable and sympathetic character. The implicit moral of the story is that all things are best in moderation, which is, in fact, a pretty good idea.

An animated version of this book was made for the CBS Storybreak TV series in the '80s(hosted by Bob Keeshan, who was best known for playing Captain Kangaroo). This version was very book-faithful, save for a few minor differences, e.g. Henry's brother Mark doesn't appear in the film, and Henry sneaks into Mac's truck and hides, rather than Mac simply offering him a lift, as in the book. The film, IMHO, was very well made; the artwork was absolutely great, and the voices were very well-cast. Both the book and the film are good companion pieces to The Chocolate Touch.

Buy the book on Amazon!

Buy the film on Amazon!

Cartoon Showcase:Thom Cat

Here is yet another non-classic cartoon that's too good not to share! This offering from Nickelodeon's Random! Cartoons series stars the charming, polite, intellectual, well-dressed(right down to his patent-leather Italian loafers) Thom Cat(who's also something of an inventor). When Thom learns that his young owner Melissa's tea party was wrecked by a little bully named Rusty, he takes matters into his own paws. But, will he be any match for Rusty? Please enjoy! (Love this cartoon's art style, BTW!)

Fun Fact:This show, like Boneheads(Well, maybe not exactly like Boneheads! :-D), had only two voice actors providing all the voices.

Joke of the Week #13

Goldilocks was wandering through the woods one day, when she came across a cabin. She knocked on the door; when no one answered, she went inside, upon which noticing a table lined with three bowls of porridge-one big, one medium-sized, and one small. She takes a bite of the porridge in the big bowl, but it's too hot. Then she tries the porridge in the medium-sized bowl, but it's too cold. Then she tries the porridge in the small bowl, and it's just right, so she eats it all.

"Wow," she says. "Now I feel sleepy." So, she goes upstairs, and finds three bedrooms. She goes into the first room, where there's a big bed. She climbs into the bed, but it's too hard. So, she goes into the next room, where there's a medium-sized bed. She climbs into this bed, but it's too soft. So, she goes into the next room, and she's shocked to see three pink pigs huddling in the corner!

"Wait a second..." she says. "Aren't you three in the wrong fairytale?"

"Not at all," says one of the pigs. "This is a two-story house!"

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Bookstore:Twenty-Odd Ducks by Lynn Johnson

Thought they meant, "Somewhere in the neighborhood of twenty ducks"; guess I was wrong. :-D

This third addition to Lynn Johnson's very nifty(and extremely funny!) series of wordplay books, which also includes Eats, Shoots, and Leaves and The Girl's Like Spaghetti, plays with various punctuation marks and how they affect the meanings of sentences, with such examples as, "The cowboy roped the steer(on his horse)." versus "The cowboy roped the steer on his horse."(How the steer got on his horse, he never did find out!), "This is Sharky, who lost a tooth." versus "This is Sharky. Who lost a tooth?"(Maybe Sharky knows?), and "'Do you know who came last night? Santa Claus!' said my mom." versus "'Do you know who came last night?' Santa Claus said. 'My mom!'"(And she left goodies!) Proof positive that every punctuation mark certainly does count!


Here are a couple of my favorites:

or

The pyramids really brought back memories for her.

or

The question is, who has worse manners, the dinner guests or the Queen?

Buy it on Amazon!

Cartoon Showcase:Ratzafratz!

This, like Boneheads, is another non-classic cartoon that's too good not to share. This nifty little cartoon, which was also featured on Nickelodeon's Random! Cartoons series, stars three rat roomies(who may or may not be brothers), mild-mannered Cyrus, bossy Urban, and gibberish-speaking Squawk, who live in a shopping mall. The rats venture into the mall looking for food, but someone spots them, and alerts the security guard. How will they ever get out of this one? Honestly, you'll really feel sorry for Cyrus, but fortunately, things work out for him when all's said and done. :) As has been proven by the famed Disney-Pixar movie Ratatouille, rats certainly can be lovable! Please enjoy!(Fun Fact:Veteran voice artist June Foray, who's known best for voicing Rocky from Rocky and Bullwinkle, Cindy-Lou Who from How the Grinch Stole Christmas, and Granny from Looney Tunes among others, lent her voice to this cartoon, which was made on her 90th birthday!)

Still have that pop singer's song stuck in my head! ACK!!! (Catchy, though...)

A Funny Thing Happened on the way to the Book Store:Funny You Should Ask...Return of the Grin Vol.2

In yet further proof that truth is stranger than fiction, this book showcases many(very odd!) real-life questions asked at library reference desks. Such questions range from book title butcherings("Do you have the book Diarrhea of the Worm?" A.K.A Diary of a Worm by Doreen Cronin*), to vague("Can you help me find a book I checked out last year about a little girl? I think the title had a 'the' in it."), to non-book/info related("Could you please pop my popcorn?**"), to mispronunciations("Do you have any books about Michael Angelo?"), to quests for information that doesn't exist("Do you have a recent photo of Abraham Lincoln?***"), to obvious("I need to find the autobiography of Bill Clinton, but I don't know who the author is."), to so bizarre that they just can't be classified!("How many calories are in a mouse?****")

Oh. My. Goodgollygosh.

 

"Open mouth, insert foot."

 

Buy it on Amazon!

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*We hope... :-p

**Interestingly enough, the librarian who was asked to do this actually did it!

***This reminds me of that old joke:

By Shel Silverstein.

 



****This question was asked by a guy who had recently put his cat on a diet, and thought the cat was cheating by eating mice. The librarian thus reassured him that not only would a little mouse not have many calories, but that it was a good thing that the cat was catching mice.(Doesn't make the question any less odd though...)

The Game Show:Pokemon Puzzle League for the Nintendo 64 and Pokemon Puzzle Challenge for the Gameboy Color

"Pokemon Puzzle League, I choose you!"

These very cool little games truly give you the best of both worlds:they're puzzle games starring those lovable(and very cute) little pocket monsters! The games' play mechanics are identical to those of the Nintendo classic Tetris Attack(which itself is modelled off of a Japanese puzzle game entitled Panel De Pon, which is pictured below):players flip and connect multicolored blocks together to make them disappear.

Puzzle League's cast and storyline is taken from the super-popular(for good reason, IMHO!) TV show. In single-player mode, players guide Ash Ketchum through a series of battles versus a myriad of other trainers(Brock, Misty, Sabrina, Blaine, etc) for the championship. In two-player mode, players pick from 14 different trainers, and duel each other.

There's even a storyline in which players foil the dastardly(albeit dopey) Team Rocket's evil scheme, as well as a 3D mode(in which the playing field is a cylinder shape rather than a flat one).


Pros:-A fun, innovative game with lots of replay value.

         -Beautiful TV show-grade graphics.

         -Top-notch voiceovers.

         -BGM from the hit TV show.

         -Uhm....well, it's a Pokemon game! :-D


Cons:-I personally found it a bit tricky to play in 3D mode.

Puzzle Challenge features the(adorable!) G2 Pokemon. Included in this version, among other things, are a quest mode, in which players duel various rival trainers, as well as Pokemon Gold and Silver's gym leaders, and hatchable baby Pokemon eggs!

Pros:-Storyline and characters from Gold and Silver.

         -Beautiful, beautiful graphics.

         -Many very cool gameplay modes.

         -Great BGM and sound effects.

         -Uhm...well, it's a Pokemon game, too!

Cons:-None to speak of, really!

Overall, these are two high-quality games that any Pokemon fan(such as I am!) is sure to love.

Buy Pokemon Puzzle League on Amazon!

Buy Pokemon Puzzle Challenge on Amazon!