Joke of the Week #13

Goldilocks was wandering through the woods one day, when she came across a cabin. She knocked on the door; when no one answered, she went inside, upon which noticing a table lined with three bowls of porridge-one big, one medium-sized, and one small. She takes a bite of the porridge in the big bowl, but it's too hot. Then she tries the porridge in the medium-sized bowl, but it's too cold. Then she tries the porridge in the small bowl, and it's just right, so she eats it all.

"Wow," she says. "Now I feel sleepy." So, she goes upstairs, and finds three bedrooms. She goes into the first room, where there's a big bed. She climbs into the bed, but it's too hard. So, she goes into the next room, where there's a medium-sized bed. She climbs into this bed, but it's too soft. So, she goes into the next room, and she's shocked to see three pink pigs huddling in the corner!

"Wait a second..." she says. "Aren't you three in the wrong fairytale?"

"Not at all," says one of the pigs. "This is a two-story house!"

Classic Cartoon Showcase:Garfield in Odielocks and the Three Cats

In this episode, it's Odie who wants a story this time, so Garfield tells him the tale of Odielocks and the Three Cats(All of whom look...very familiar!) Please enjoy!

Classic Cartoon Showcase:Goldilocks and the Three Bears

Here, in keeping with the fairytale theme of my previous cartoon post, is the classic tale of the family of bears(including the cutest little Baby Bear!) and the little girl who happens by their house while they're away. Please enjoy!

Book Review:Garfield's Furry Tales by Jim Davis

All right, now for my first non-Pound Puppies book review!

Fairy tales have never been wackier than these, all starring that famous fat cat himself. This book contains five stories:

Garfield and the Three Bears-Garfield, looking for respite from a boring camping trip, wanders across the Three Bears' cottage...and ends up wrecking the place.

Little Red Riding Odie-Jon sends Odie, clad in the appropriate red cape, to his sick Grandma's house with a box of Girl Scout cookies...but a certain someone else is evincing interest in those cookies, too.

Garfield and Penny Henny-Garfield, who's sojourning at Jon's parents' farm, accidentally knocks a corn cob onto a chicken named Penny Henny's head...and decides to have some fun with her. (This story, BTW, was adapted into an episode of The Garfield Show.)

Garfield and the Sleeping Beauty-Arlene(as one might expect) plays the eponymous princess and Garfield plays the prince in this tale of the princess cursed to sleep for a hundred years until awakened by a kiss (There's a movie in here somewhere). 

Garfield and the Beanstalk-Jon trades Odie for a handful of magic beans, which grow into a beanstalk overnight. Garfield climbs the beanstalk and encounters a giant. (Eat your heart out, Mickey Mouse!)

My Thoughts:Overall, a top-notch book. The illustrations(by Mike Fentz) are fantastic, and the writing is well done and very humorous. A must for any Garfield lover.

                                                                 Buy it on Amazon!

Jokes of the Week #2:Animal Crack-Ups

What does a snail say when he's riding on a sloth's back?

"Whee!"

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"I heard you stopped raising cows, Farmer George."

"Had to. Every time I raised them up, they'd fall back down again."

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Little Timmy is digging a hole in his back yard. A neighbor happens by and asks, "What're you doing there, little fella'?"

"My canary died and I'm burying him." Timmy replies.

When the neighbor notices the size of the hole she asks, "Why such a big hole for a canary?"

"Because he's inside your cat."

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Two seagulls are flying over the Rose Bowl. One says to the other, "Look at all those people down there."

"Yeah," the other seagull replies. "Kind of takes the sport out of it, doesn't it."

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Two seagulls are flying over the Kentucky Derby. One says to the other, "I'm putting everything I've got on number eight."

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"Help! Help! I've lost my mousetrap!"

"What kind of mousetrap would make you yell like that?"

"A 800-pound jaguar."

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The papa bear says, "Someone's been eating my porridge."

The mama bear says, "Someone's been eating my porridge."

The baby bear says, "Someone's been eating my porridge."

And the grandma bear says, "I really wish you all would stop complaining. I haven't even made the porridge yet."

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A duck goes into a 7-11 and asks, "Do you have any grapes?"

The guy behind the counter says, "No, we don't carry grapes here." The duck leaves.

The next day, the duck comes back and asks, "Do you have any grapes?"

The guy says, "No we don't sell them here." The duck leaves.

The next day, the duck comes back and says, "Do you have any grapes?"

The guy says, "Listen duck, this is the third day in a row you've come in here asking for grapes and we just don't have them! You come in here asking for grapes one more time and so help me I will glue your stupid webbed feet to the floor!" The duck leaves.

The next day, the duck comes back and asks, "Do you have any glue?"

The guy says, "No."

The duck says, "Good. Do you have any grapes?"

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Now you see it, now you don't, now you see it, now you don't. What is it?

A black lab waking across a zebra crossing.

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A big, mean lion is walking through the jungle. He first comes across a toucan. He pounces on the toucan and growls, "Arrgh, who's the king of the jungle?"

The frightened toucan replies, "You are, you are, you are!!"

The lion then comes across an antelope. He pounces on the antelope and growls, "Arrgh, who's the king of the jungle?"

The frightened antelope replies, "You are, you are, you are!!"

The lion then comes across an elephant. He growls at the elephant, "Arrgh, who's the king of the jungle?"

The elephant smacks the lion with his trunk, picks him up and whacks him on the ground several times, swings him over his head several times and flings him a mile.

The lion says, "Sheesh, no reason to get so upset just because you don't know the answer."

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Did you hear about the wealthy horse?

He made a pile on Wall Street.

By Shel Silverstein.

Prediction:This will not end well.