Showing posts with label doctor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label doctor. Show all posts

Saturday, September 7, 2013

Uhm, Can't I Have a Serious Moment?



Here is a Powerpuff Girls fanfiction of mine, which is based off of a Captain Caveman episode from the Flintstone Kids entitled, "I Was a Teenage Grownup." In this story, Mojo Jojo, being the ever-present party pooper that he is, uses his new invention, the Adultifier, to turn all of the kids of Townsville into super-serious mini-adults. When a stray laser from the Adultifier hits Bubbles, thus robbing her of her fun-loving persona, it's up to Blossom and Buttercup to save her and all of the other kids of Townsville, and put Mojo in his place. Please enjoy!


 
 
BTW, here is a picture of Dr. Cooper, an OC I added to this story; she's Townsville's local physician and was rather stumped at why the kids' personalities had changed so abruptly.
 


Saturday, July 20, 2013

Jokes of the Week #65: The Doctor! Doctor! Always Rings Twice

"Nurse, have you taken the patient's temperature yet?"

"Why, Doctor, is it missing?"

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"Doctor, my husband keeps thinking he's invisible."

"Sorry, but I can't see him."

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Doctor: "Goodness, how did you get such a lump on your head?"

Patient: "Some beans fell on my head."

Doctor: "Beans gave you a lump on your head?"

Patient: "They were canned."

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"What's the best way to prevent disease from biting insects, Doctor?"

"Don't bite any."

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Doctor: "How's the patient in room 15 doing, Nurse?"

Nurse: "Oh, he's such a pest! He cried for three hours yesterday because he lost four teeth."

Doctor: "Well, I don't see what the problem is with that, I assume that most people would be pretty upset about losing four teeth."

Nurse: "Yes, but from his comb?"

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Doctor: "All right, now breathe out three times, please."

Patient: "So you can check my lungs?"

Doctor: "No, so I can clean my glasses."

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Joe: "Call the doctor! Call the doctor! My friend just swallowed a frog!"

Marcia: "Oh dear! Is he very sick?"

Joe: "Sick? He's liable to croak at any minute!"

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Voice on phone: "Hello, is this 444444444444444? Good, could you call 911 and ask for a doctor to come here quickly please? My finger is stuck in the dial!"

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"Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a louse."

"Will you stop getting in my hair?"

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"Doctor, my husband keeps thinking he's an elevator."

"Well, I'll have a look at him right away. Please send him up."

"That may not be possible, Doctor, he doesn't stop at this floor."

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Doctor: "Well, how's the medicine I perscribed working?"

Patient: "Should be pretty well, Doc. I've been taking three baths a day."

Doctor: "Three baths?"

Patient: "Yeah, just like the instructions on the bottle said."

Doctor: "There must be some mistake."

Patient: "Oh, no mistake, Doc, it said to take a spoonful three times a day in water."

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"Doctor, my husband keeps thinking he's a TV antenna."

"Don't worry, ma'am, I'll have him cured right away."

"Oh, I don't want him cured, Doctor, I want him to pick up channel 8."

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"I've been having trouble sleeping, Doctor."

"Well, have you tried counting sheep?"

"Well yes, but it was too dark to see them."

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Patient: "My neck's as stiff as a pipe, my head feels like lead, and my nose is all blocked up."

Doctor: "I can recommend a good plumber."

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Little Billy(On the phone): "Doctor, Doctor, please come quick! Our front door is jammed!"

Doctor: "I believe you need a handyman rather than a doctor, little boy."

Little Billy: "No, I really do need a doctor. Daddy's fingers are stuck in the door!"

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Patient: "Doctor, will you give me something for my head?"

Doctor: "I wouldn't take it as a gift."

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"Doctor, my cousin keeps thinking he's a piece of fudge."

"Well, that's good, it means he's only half nuts."

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Doctor Sally: "Now, what seems to be the matter, dear?"

Naomi: "Wel, you see Doctor, I.....like open-toed shoes."

Doctor Sally: "Well, goodness, there's certainly nothing wrong with liking open-toed shoes! Many people all over the world like them. Honestly, I prefer them myself."

Naomi: "You do? Ohh, that's such a relief! How do you like them, baked or roasted?"

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"Doctor, Doctor, my brother keeps thinking he's a parking meter!"

"Goodness, I'll have to see him right away."

"He can't come in until next Tuesday, That's when the meter maid comes and takes the money out of his mouth."

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"Doctor, I have a problem with talking to myself."

"Don't worry, sir, this is a very benign condition."

"Maybe so, but I'm a terrible bore."

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"Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a duck."

"I can give you an appointment next month."

"Sorry, but I can't wait that long. I have to fly south for the winter."

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"I've been having this strange dream every night, Doctor. I'm standing in front of this door that has a sign on it; I push with all my might, but I just can't get it open."

"What does the sign say?"

"'Pull.'"

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Frankie: "I used to keep thinking I was a dog, so I went to the psychiatrist."

Marvin: "Did he cure you?"

Frankie: "Sure! Here, feel my nose."

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From Nickelodeon Magazine.
 
*BA-DUM-TSS!* :-D

Saturday, March 23, 2013

Joke of the Week #48

"Doctor, I'm a kleptomaniac."

"Well, have you taken anything for it?"

"So far, I've taken three DVD players, two stereos, and a plasma-screen TV."


Saturday, January 12, 2013

Joke of the Week #38

Two doctors are talking about their work. "I had great success with a recent patient of mine," the first doctor says. "This man came into my office one day and told me that he thought he was as small as a housefly."

"Were you able to cure him?" the second doctor inquires.

"I told him that many of the world's greatest people were small. He was doing very well after that, then...I lost him."

"What happened?"

"It was tragic." the first doctor sighs sadly. "Someone hit him with a flyswatter."


Thursday, November 8, 2012

Joke of the Week #29

Frankie goes in to his doctor one day. "I'm having this weird problem," he says. "My leg talks to me whenever I put my ear to it."

"Hmm," the doctor says. "Let me have a look at it."

He puts his ear to Frankie's knee and hears a small voice say, "I need money."

"Oh, this is quite serious." the doctor says.

He puts his ear to Frankie's thigh and hears voice again. "I really need money." Then he puts his ear to Frankie's ankle and hears it again. "I really, really need money."

"What do you suppose it is?" asks Frankie.

"Well, this is even more serious than I thought," the doctor replies. "Your leg is broke in three places."


From Nickelodeon Magazine.

Sunday, July 8, 2012

Book Review:Chocolate Fever by Robert Kimmel Smith


Here's a review of another classic!




Some people say that Henry Green wasn't actually born, but hatched, like a chick, from a cocoa bean. Can you believe that? Henry absolutely LOVES chocolate more than most people do(he even gives John Midas a run for his money!), and even adds some to everything he eats(Chocolate syrup on pancakes, chocolate sprinkles sprinkled on top of pasta, chocolate bar sandwiches, chocolate syrup mixed into mashed potatoes, etc.). As Henry soon discovers, however, too much of a good thing may not necessarily be a good thing! One day, he discovers several little brown spots on his arm, which soon start popping out all over his body(with an audible popping sound, even)!
When Henry's condition is checked out by the school nurse, and eventually the doctor, it's revealed that the spots are made out of pure chocolate. The doctor thus dubs the condition "Chocolate Fever", which he assumes is sure to make medical history. Henry, not caring for this kind of fame, quickly runs away from the hospital, with the doctors in hot pursuit. Things look bleak for Henry, until he meets a kindly trucker named Mac.




My Thoughts:A very interesting, funny, well-written, and very nicely illustrated book. The characters are very likeable and have lots of personality(Mac's my fav character!); Henry himself is a very likeable and sympathetic character. The implicit moral of the story is that all things are best in moderation, which is, in fact, a pretty good idea.

An animated version of this book was made for the CBS Storybreak TV series in the '80s(hosted by Bob Keeshan, who was best known for playing Captain Kangaroo). This version was very book-faithful, save for a few minor differences, e.g. Henry's brother Mark doesn't appear in the film, and Henry sneaks into Mac's truck and hides, rather than Mac simply offering him a lift, as in the book. The film, IMHO, was very well made; the artwork was absolutely great, and the voices were very well-cast. Both the book and the film are good companion pieces to The Chocolate Touch.







Friday, June 22, 2012

Jokes of the Week #11:Doctor! Doctor!

"Doctor, no one will pay attention to me."

"Next!"

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A guy comes into the doctor's office with a carrot in his left ear, a banana in his right ear, and a bean in each nostril. The doctor says, "You aren't eating right."

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"Doctor, I broke my arm in two places."

"Well, I sure wouldn't go back to those two places!"

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Nelly:"I had been seeing fuzzy spots in front of my eyes, so I went to the eye doctor, and he gave me these glasses."

Zoe:"Oh, how nice! Do they work?"

Nelly:"Yes, I can see the spots so much more clearly now!"

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"Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a dog."

"Sit!"

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"Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a dog."

"Well, just sit over here on this couch, and we'll talk about it."

"I can't, I'm not allowed on the furniture."

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"Doctor, my brother keeps thinking he's a pretzel."

"Well, bring him in, and I'll straighten him out."

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"I'm worried about my kids, Doctor. All they do all day is climb trees and swing from vines."

"Don't worry, ma'am, this is a very benign condition."

"Oh, thank you, doctor. Now, how much will the bill be?"

"30 bananas."

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A Dalmatian goes in to the eye doctor. "Every time I look at my friend, I see spots." she says.

"Well, I wouldn't be concerned about that," the doctor says. "You are a Dalmatian, after all."

"What difference does that make?" the Dalmatian replies. "My friend's a Tabby cat."

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"Doctor, I keep thinking there are two of me."

"Please say that again, and this time, don't both speak at once."

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"Doctor, my husband keeps thinking he's a horse."

"Well ma'am, I can cure him, but it's going to be fairly expensive."

"Money's no problem, he just won the Kentucky Derby."

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"Doctor, my husband keeps thinking he's a refrigerator."

"Not to worry, ma'am, this is a very benign condition."

"Well, maybe so, but the light from his mouth keeps me awake at night."

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"Doctor, I have this terrible feeling that everyone's trying to take advantage of me."

"Don't be concerned, sir, there's nothing to it at all."

"Gosh, thanks doctor, I feel a whole lot better. Now, how much will my bill be?"

"How much do you have?"

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The doctor tells this dopey guy, "Go home and drink a glass of warm tea after a hot bath."
The guy thanks him and leaves.

The next day, the doctor calls him and asks, "So, did the remedy I perscribed work?"

The guy answers, "I'm not sure. After I drank the bath, I didn't have room for the tea!"

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"Doc, you gotta help me, I keep thinking I'm happy!"

"Well, goodness, what in the world could be wrong with that?"

"Happy's my guinea pig."

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Doctor:"Sir, I believe you're suffering from a split personality."

Patient:"No, we aren't."

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Doctor:"I have good news and bad news for you, sir. The good news is that you're suffering from a split personality."

Patient:"Are you kidding? That's the good news?! Then what could the bad news possibly be?"

Doctor:"I'm going to have to bill you twice."

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Doctor:"When you brought your son to me this morning, you'd said he had trouble eating, but when I examined him, I found out that he had a broken nose."

Mrs. Warren:"Sorry doctor, I must not have been too clear when I said, 'He only pecks at his food."'

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"Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a movie."

"I thought I'd seen you somewhere before."

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Howard comes into work one day with both of his ears bandaged up. "Gosh," the boss says. "How did you hurt your ears like that?"

Howard says, "Well, I was ironing a shirt one morning, when the phone rang and I accidentally answered the iron."

The boss says, "Well, that explains the one ear, but what happened to the other one?"

Howard says, "Well, see, then I had to call the doctor..."

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"Doc, you gotta give me something for my headache!"

"Well, I really didn't care to have it, but I'll give you a dollar if you insist."

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"I have this weird problem, doctor. Some days I wake up and think I'm Mickey Mouse, some days I wake up and think I'm Donald Duck, and some days I wake up and think I'm Goofy!"

"I see, and how long have you been having these Disney spells?"

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"Doctor, I keep thinking I'm an alarm clock."

"Well, take two aspirin and ring me in the morning!"

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A guy is sitting in his living room, when his doorbell rings. He opens the door and there's a six-foot cockroach standing in front of him. The cockroach pummels him black and blue and steals his wallet.

In the house next door, another guy is sitting in his living room, when his doorbell rings. He answers the door, and there's the six-foot cockroach. The cockroach clobbers him over the head and kicks him in the shins.

In the next house over, another guy is sitting in his living room, when his doorbell rings. He opens his door, and there's the six-foot cockroach again. The cockroach punches him in the eye, socks him in the nose, and kicks him in the bum.

The three guys drag themselves to the hospital; once there, they tell the doctor what had happened and describe the six-foot cockroach. The doctor says, "Yes, I've heard that there's been a nasty bug going around."

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"Doc, you gotta help me! My throat is wurst."

"I think you mean, 'worse', sir."

"No, I really do mean 'wurst'. Do you know how much it hurts to choke on a sausage?"*

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A guy goes into the doctor's office and says, "Doc, my body hurts whenever I touch it." The doctor says, "Show me." So, the guy touches his leg and screams, then he touches his leg and shrieks, then he touches his neck and wails. The doctor says, "Your finger's broken."

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"Doctor, I keep thinking I'm invisible!"

"Who said that?"

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(Warning:This may just be the wurst joke on this page. :-D)

 
 
From Nickelodeon Magazine.


Extra: What was the first thing the Big Bad Wolf ate after going to the dentist?

The dentist.(I couldn't resist. :-D)