Jokes of the Week #39:Come and Knock on our Door

Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Who-who.

Who-who who?

What are you, an owl?

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Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Annette.

Annette who?

Annette keeps your hair tidy.

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Knock Knock.

Who's there?

Dozen.

Dozen who?

Dozen look like rain.

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Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Ivan.

Ivan who?

"Ivan working on the railroad, all the livelong day..."

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Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Free Stew.

Free Stew who?

The Free Stew-ges.

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Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Nobel.

Nobel who?

Nobel, so I Knock Knocked.

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Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Alda and Alda.

Alda and Alda who?

I'm getting Alda and Alda waiting out here!

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Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Despair.

Despair who?

Despair tire is flat.

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Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Turnip.

Turnip who?

Turnip the heat, it's freezing out here.

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Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Canoe.

Canoe who?

"If Canoe you were comin', I'd have baked a cake..."

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Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Miniature.

Miniature who?

Miniature out here, I'll tell you.

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Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Toledo.

Toledo who?

It's easy Toledo horse to water, but you can't make him drink.

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Knock-Knock-Knock-Knock-Knock-Knock-Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Iggy the Octopus.

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Knock-Scratch.

Who's there?

Captain Hook.

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Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Olga.

Olga who?

Olga food at this restaurant is delicious!

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Jack: "Knock-Knock."

Jill: "Who's there?"

Jack: "Eiffel."

Jill: "Eiffel who?"

Jack: "Eiffel down and broke my crown."

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Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Lucas Tell.

Lucas Tell who?

Lucas Tell-o and Bud Abbot.

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Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Dakota.

Dakota who?

Dakota fit fine, but da-pants-a too big!

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Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Eugenie.

Eugenie who?

Eugenie in a bottle's gonna grant you three wishes!


Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Hewlett.

Hewlett who?

Hewlett me out of this bottle!

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Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Heywood Hugh Harry

Heywood Hugh Harry who?

Heywood Hugh Harry and open this door?

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Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Euripedes.

Euripedes pants, and I'll sue you.


Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Eumenedes.

Eumenedes who?

Eumenedes pants, and I won't.

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Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Sun Bear.

Sun Bear who?

"Sun Bear, over the rainbow..."

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Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Ohio.

Ohio who?

Ohio, Silver! Awaaaaaaaaaaay!

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Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

That's my knees! I'm scared!

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Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Dandelion.

Dandelion who?

It's just Dandelion 'round here, doin' nothin'.

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Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Castanetts.

Castanetts who?

If you Castanetts inna water, you'll catch plenty of fish.

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Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Wilma.

Wilma who?

Wilma frog turn into a prince?

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Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Diploma.

Diploma who?

Diploma's here to fix da bathtub.

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Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Stan Law.

Stan Law who?

Stan Law-rel and Oliver Hardy.

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Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Howie.

Howie who?

Fine, thank you. How are you?

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Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Linda.

Linda who?

Could you Linda hand for a second? I got heavy groceries.

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Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Darth Vader.

Darth Vader who?

Darth Vader cookie crumbles.

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Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Minneapolis.

Minneapolis who?

Minneapolis got worms in 'em.

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Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Burglar.

Burglar who...wait, burglars don't knock!

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Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Knox.

Knox who?

Knock-Knox on the door.


Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Knox.

Knox who?

Knock-Knox on the door.


Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Knox.

Knox who?

Knock-Knox on the door.


Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Knox.

Knox who?

Knock-Knox on the door.


Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Fred.

Fred who?

Fred I was going to say Knock-Knox on the door again, weren't you?

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Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Phyllis.

Phyllis who?

Phyllis pitcher up with lemonade.

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Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Shelby?

Shelby who?

"Shelby comin' 'round the mountain when she comes..."

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Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Amanda.

Amanda who?

Amanda fix the sink.


Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Mandalay.

Mandalay who?

Mandalay the bathroom tiles.

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Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Pudding.

Pudding who?

Pudding your underwear on before your pants is a very bad idea.

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Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Pecan.

Pecan who?

Pecan the cookie jar and see if there are any left.

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Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Arnold.

Arnold who?

Arnold friend from Transylvania.


Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Samoa.

Samoa who?

Samoa old friends from Transylvania.


Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Waterway.

Waterway who?

Waterway going to do with all these old friends from Transylvania?


Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Cargo.

Cargo who?

Cargo BEEP BEEP! over all the old friends from Transylvania.

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Knock-Knock...Knock-Knock...Hmm, guess nobody's there.

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From Nickelodeon Magazine.

Jokes of the Week #20:Famous Folks of Fact and Fiction

(These are actually last week's jokes, but it's okay; I've kept them in the fridge, so, hopefully they won't be any more stale than usual. :-D)

 

What kind of car does Mickey Mouse's girlfriend drive?

 

A Minnie-van.

 

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What would you call Superman if he lost his superpowers?

 

Man.

 

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Why was Elvis so cool?

 

Because he had a lot of fans.

 

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A little-known fact:

 

Mary Poppins used to be a fortune teller on the west coast. The interesting thing about this was, rather than reading people's palms or reading tea leaves, she could predict their future simply by smelling their breath. The sign on the door of her shop read, "Super California Mystic, Expert Halitosis."

 

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How many ears does Mr. Spock have?

 

Three. His left ear, his right ear, and "The Final Front Ear."

 

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What do you get if you cross Kirby with Atilla the Hun?

 

Atilla the Hungry!

 

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What do you call a Pokemon with a cold?

 

A Pik-achoo!

 

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Frankie: "Say, did you know that I once sang for the Queen of England?"

 

Becky: "No kidding, really?"

 

Frankie: "Well...that's what she told me, anyway. She said, 'If you're a singer, then I'm the Queen of England.'"

 

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Who eats spinach and makes clothes?

 

Popeye the Tailorman.

 

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What tree knows Kung Fu?

 

Spruce Lee.

 

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Who lives in a pod and practices Kung Fu?

 

Bruce Pea.

 

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What movie features classical music and Dumbo dancing?

 

Elephantasia.

 

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What movie features Remy practicing Kung Fu?

 

The Ka-Ratty Kid.

 

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What do you get if you cross a small bear with a skunk?

 

Winnie the Pee-Yew!

 

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What's the closest thing to silver?

 

The Lone Ranger's bum.

 

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What movie features a dinosaur park and Lassie?

 

Jurassic Bark.

 

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What do you get if you cross Chowder with William Shakespeare?

 

A bard who says, "To eat or not to eat?"

 

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What video game features monsters, a scary medieval castle, and Fat Albert?

 

Shadowgut.

 

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What did Huey, Dewey, and Louie say when they saw something flying toward their uncle's head?

 

"Donald, duck!"

 

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What to you get if you cross a famous hockey player with a Sea-Doo?

 

Wayne Jet-Ski.

 

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"Can you tell me the location of every phone booth in the city, please?" the voice on the phone asks.

 

"I'm sorry," the operator replies. "We can't give out that information."

 

"You can't?" the voice replies sadly.

 

"Sorry, no." the operator replies. "Why is this information so important to you?"

 

"Because I'm Superman and my pants are in one of those phone booths."

 

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Who grants wishes for Cinderella cow?

 

Her Dairy Godmother.

 

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Here's one, now all we need is 100 more. :-D



Joke of the Week #6

Frankie and Waldo are watching and old Lone Ranger movie. Halfway into the movie, Frankie turns to Waldo and says, "I bet you the Lone Ranger falls off his horse."

"Oh, don't josh with me," says Waldo. "The Lone Ranger never falls off his horse."

"I'll bet you $10 that he does."

"All right, I'll bet you $10 that he doesn't."

They sit watching the film a few more minutes in silence. A bunch of outlaws ambush the Lone Ranger shooting a flurry of bullets. The Lone Ranger's horse rears abruptly, and off he falls.

"See? I told you!" Frankie says.

"Oh, all right." Waldo takes $10 out of his wallet and hands it to Frankie. "Here you go."

"No...I can't take it." Frankie says. "I have a confession to make. I've seen this movie before."

"Well, to be quite honest, I've seen it before too," Waldo says. "But I didn't think he'd be klutzy enough to fall twice!"

Big Sis and Li'l Sis.