Joke of the Week #80

Sam: "Excuse me, but why doesn't that antelope have any antlers?"

Zookeeper: "There are many reasons why an antelope might not have antlers. Some grow antlers late in life, others might lose them in a fight, and then there are certain species that simply aren't supposed to have antlers. This antelope doesn't have antlers because it's a donkey."

From Nickelodeon Magazine.

Jokes of the Week #59: Animal Crack-Ups 2: It's a Zoo in Here

Marvin: "This morning I woke up and was surprised to find the dog licking my face."

Sandy: "Why were you surprised?"

Marvin: "We don't have a dog."

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What do you call a crazy flea?

A looney tick!

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Tania: "Say, did you know that it takes three sheep to make a sweater?"

Walter: "Gee, I didn't even know they could knit!"

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What did Mr. and Mrs. Chicken name their baby?

Egg.

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A herd of buffalo is travelling across the plain, when a cowboy rides up alongside them. "You're the ugliest buffalo I've ever seen," he says. "Look at you, your fur is all tangled and matted, you're dirty and smelly, and you're slobbering all over the place."

After the cowboy leaves, one of the buffalo at the back of the herd turns to the buffalo next to him and says, "I think I just heard a discouraging word."

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Why was the little whale sent to the principal's office?

For spouting off at the teacher.

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What do you get when you cross a small deer with a ghost?

Bamboo.

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Jumbo the circus elephant was known for being big-hearted. The other day, he was walking in the parade, when he accidentally stepped on a bird. Knowing that the bird probably had a nest somewhere with a baby in it, he sat on the bird to keep it warm.

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Junior: "Daddy, Daddy, there's a Dalmatian in the house."

Dad: "Don't worry about that, son, I hear that Dalmatians are supposed to be lucky."

Junior: "This one sure is. He ate your dinner!"

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What do you get when you cross a pig with an iguana?

A porky spine.

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Morris(At the zoo): "You know, I wonder what that prairie dog would say if he could talk."

Wendy: "He'd probably say, 'Pardon me, but I'm a ferret.'"

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Simon: "I finally found the rattle in my car."

Rhonda: "Oh, I'm glad to hear that."

Simon: "I'm not-it was attatched to a snake!"

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What do you get when you cross a crocodile with a shark and a T. Rex?

I don't know, but I sure wouldn't get in the pool with it!

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What do you call a lazy kangaroo?

A pouch potato.

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How is the letter "A" like a flower bed?

Because they both have bees coming after them.

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What's a cat's favorite musical?

The Sound of Mew-sic.

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What do rodents use for bad breath?

Mousewash.

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Gloria: "Mr. Franklin worked as a dogcatcher for 20 years, but now he's been fired."

Myles: "Why? What happened?"

Gloria: "The dogs started catching him."

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What's a sheep's favorite movie?

Ewe Got Mail.

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Why do fish swim in saltwater?

Pepper makes them sneeze.

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As Mona is leaving her house one morning, she sees her neighbor Mrs. Greyson walking through her front door, holding a pet carrier. Mona walks up to her. "Hi, Mrs. Greyson. What'cha got in that carrier?"

"It's a cat." Mrs. Greyson replies. "You see, for the last few nights, I've been dreaming about rats, and I've been really scared! The cat will catch them, hopefully."

A perplexed look crosses Mona's face. "But...the rats aren't real."

"Don't worry, dear, the cat isn't either."

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Little Skunk: "But Mom, why can't I have a chemistry set for my birthday?"

Mama Skunk: "I'm afraid that it would stink up the house."

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There's a knock at the door, and when Lucy answers it, she sees a snail sitting on her doorstep. Lucy then immediately picks up the snail, runs to the end of her driveway, and throws it as hard as she can.

Two years pass, and Lucy hears another knock at her door as she's sitting in her living room. She answers the door, and finds the same snail there. "What was that all about?" the snail asks.

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Fido: "There's a dog on the next block with really long ears, and every time he walks up the stairs, he steps on them."

Fifi: "He steps on his ears?"

Fido: "No, he steps on the stairs."

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When is it bad luck to have a black cat follow you?

When you're a mouse.

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I stayed in a small village in the country last summer; my landlady kept animals. On the first day one of her chickens died, so we had roast chicken for dinner.

On the second day one of her pigs died, so we had honeybaked ham.

On the third day one of her sheep died, so we had lamb chops.

On the fourth day her husband died, so I left before dinner.

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What has 100 feet and 98 shoes?

A centipede trying on a new pair of sneakers.

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Why are elephants prone to holding grudges?

They can forgive, but they can't forget.

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And why are giraffes prone to holding grudges?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.

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Cowboy Tom and Cowboy Fred shared a field for their two horses. In order to be able to tell them apart, Tom tied a red ribbon around his horse's tail; one day, when they went out to the field, Tom noticed that the ribbon had fallen off.

"Now how will we tell our horses apart?" a concerned Tom exclaims.

Fred thinks about it for about a minute. "I know! How about if you take the black one and I take the white one?"

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What did Tarzan say when he saw an enormous pink elephant wearing dark glasses walking by?

Nothing. He didn't recognize it.

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Mrs. Morgan was having a difficult time teaching her parrot to talk. She tried everything: repeating certain phrases to him several times, reading to him, and having conversations within his earshot, but nothing ever worked. Then one day, after she had fed the bird his dinner, the parrot said, "Can I have a little more birdseed, please?"

Mrs. Morgan was shocked. "You can talk? But, how come you never said anything before?"

"Well, everything's been fine until now."

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Why did the sheep like the buffet restaurant?

Because the sign said, "All Ewe Can Eat."

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From Nickelodeon Magazine.

Joke of the Week #44

A lady applies for a job at the zoo. When she arrives for the interview, the zoo manager informs her that the kangaroo had been shipped to another zoo, so he requests for her to dress up as a kangaroo in its place.

"But I can't jump like a kangaroo." she says.

"Don't worry," the manager replies. "We'll hide a trampoline behind some rocks."

The lady enjoyed her new job very much; each day, she drew a very large crowd. As the spectators cheered, she kept excitedly bouncing harder and harder, until one day, she accidentally bounced too hard and shot over the fence into the tiger's cage.

The tiger strides toward her, getting ready to pounce. The lady hurriedly backs away, "Help! Someone please! Help me!!"

The tiger growls, "Quiet, lady! You want us to lose both our jobs?"

Yet another little charmer.

Joke of the Week #25

Libby's walking toward the front door of her house with a hippo walking behind her. Her neighbor says, "Say, don't you think you should take that hippo to the zoo?"

Libby says, "You know what? You're absolutely right!" And she and the hippo then traipse off.

The next day, Libby walks out her front door, with the hippo still following her. The neighbor says, "Say, I thought you were going to take that hippo to the zoo!"

Libby says, "I did, and today I'm taking him to the baseball game!"

From Nickelodeon Magazine.

Cartoon Showcase:Before They Were Stars:Johnny Bravo

In this pilot episode of what would eventually become a famed Cartoon Network series, the famous musclebound buffoon is asked by a pretty zookeeper(whom, of course, he develops a crush on) to help find an escaped gorilla. Johnny obliges; unfortunately, he(literaly!) wouldn't know a gorilla if he saw one-a fact not lost on the(somewhat loopy) gorilla, who easily fools Johnny. Please enjoy!

Oh yeah, he's all over it.

Joke of the Week #22

A zoo receives a gnu. Upon the gnu's arrival, the zookeeper notices that, unfortunately, the tiling job on the gnu's cage hasn't been finished; since it's a bit late, they determine that they'll just have to finish the job tomorrow.

The next morning, the zookeeper happens by the gnu's cage and is shocked to see that the gnu has finished the tiling job all by himself, and done an impeccable job as well! The zookeeper is so astounded that he rushes to the zoo manager and tells him what's happened. The zoo manager doesn't believe it at first, so the zookeeper leads him to the gnu's cage and shows him. The manager is so amazed that he calls a TV news crew to come over to the zoo at once.

The newscaster asks the manager, "And, how do you explain this phenomenon, sir?"

The manager shrugs. "He's just a typical gnu, and tiler, too."

The Game Show:Moshi Monsters Moshling Zoo

This is a very, very nifty little game based off of the ever-popular Moshi Monsters website. (I myself don't have an account on this particular site, but this game is still fun even without an account or any prior knowledge of the Moshi Monsters.)

In this game, you work as the caretaker at a zoo for Moshlings, which are the Moshi Monsters' pets.(One could say that Moshlings are to Moshi Monsters as Petpets are to Neopets.) The main object of the game is to travel to different locations and collect various Moshlings for the zoo. Found in each area are various objects that can be used to attract certain Moshlings, but it isn't always apparent how to do so. Hints are given by your associate, Colonel Catcher, as well as in the Monsteropedia; there's also a store in Monstro City that sells hints, which can be handy in particularly tricky situations. While some Moshlings are available from the beginning, others become available after the zoo reaches certain levels.

The Moshling species fit into several different categories, such as kitties, puppies, ponies, fishies, techies, foodies, ninjas et al., with such cute(and sometimes bizzare) creatures as princess ponies, mini-dragons, disco ducks, walking ice cream cones, alley cats, ninja monkeys, cutesy ghosts, flying unicorns, walking Easter Island heads, fuzzy puffball cats...

...and then, there are critters like THIS!

There are also baby versions of each Moshling species, the eggs of which can be found in each area. Once an egg is found, it's taken to the baby care center in the zoo, where it's looked after until it hatches.

Moshlings occasionally require some maintaining; players can tap on the Moshlings they own to check their status and see if they need fed, bathed, or played with(baby Moshlings require a special kind of care, too). Moshlings can be levelled up by being cared for and by playing the either of two different mini-games available on each Moshling's status page. Players can also enter their Moshlings in the Ulti-Moshling Contest(also availabe via the status page). Players choose one Moshling to compete against two others in tests of speed(a race), intelligence(varous logic puzzles), and culinary skills(a cooking challenge) or a chance to win a gold trophy.

Upgrades for the zoo's areas can be purchased at a construction shop in Monstro City, and there's also a shop that sells decorations for the Moshling's living areas.

Pros:-A fun, entertaining game with next-to-no learning curve.

         -The graphics and sound effects are top-notch.

         -Like other games of this genre, collecting, training, and caring for the little critters is a lot of fun(Much like a certain other very popular and very good game of this genre).

Cons:-Like other games of this genre, collecting all the little critters is also very tricky.

          -Some of the logic puzzle games involve higher math, which wouldn't be so bad, except that you're given a limited amount of time to finish the games.

           -Some of the Moshlings(such as Humphrey and Scamp) are a little high-maintenance, making it difficult to keep them happy.

Overall, a good, well-made, and highly enjoyable game for Moshi Monster and non-Moshi Monster enthusiasts alike.

Buy it on Amazon!

For some reason, this Moshling reminds me of Bogart from this Pound Puppies book.

Probably because he, like Bogart, appears to be a bloodhound.

In the Lemon-Limelight:Help! It's the Hair Bear Bunch

This is the first of my series of articles of underappreciated cartoons that, despite their low fanbase, are still more than worth a peek.

Help! It's the Hair Bear Bunch is a cartoon series made by Hanna-Barbera in 1971. The show concerns three wacky bears living at the Wonderland zoo. The trio consists of the scheming, afro-adorned group leader Hair, the sloppy, doleful Square, and the short, gibberish-speaking Bubi. The bears would often try to flee the zoo in search of adventure, and end up being pursued by the zookeeper, Eustace P. Peevley and his(rather inept) assistant, Lionel J. Botch(The latter of whom is known for his pet phrase, "Ooh! Ooh!" not unlike Welcome Back, Kotter's Arnold Horshack; unsurprisingly, this was Botch's voice actor Joe E. Ross' pet phrase.). The bears, however, usually outwit them in the end, often with the help of their zoo animal friends, such as Bananas the Gorilla (who bears a striking resemblance to Magilla Gorilla), Furface the Lion (gotta love that name!), Bumpo the Elephant, Slicks the Fox, and Pipsqueak the Mouse, among others. One particular point of interest is that the bears owned, among other things, an invisible motorcycle. (Hmm, do you suppose they got it from Mermaidman?)

The show had a very short run, with only 16 episodes made. Reruns can be seen on Boomerang. (Check local listings for the time and channel.)

UPDATE 7/7/12:I recently discovered this DVD which contains, among other(very nifty!) things, a Hair Bear Bunch episode!:

Saturday Morning Cartoons:1970s Vol. 2

 

Overall, this was a humorous, well-made show that truly deserved more attention. (I may be a little biased because I love Hanna-Barbera stuff!) Despite the show being made in the '70's, it doesn't seem particularly dated, even by today's standards, and the characters are interesting, funny, and likeable. (Even Peevley and Botch!) A rather underrated(Even Joe Barbera disliked it; when even the producer doesn't like the show, that's the definition of underappreciated!) show that's definetly worth a peek.

The theme song is also mighty catchy!

For those interested also, there are some Hair Bear Bunch items available at the site below(including, of all things, a tissue box cover); some are a little expensive, but well worth it for any Hair Bear Bunch fan :

A few Hair Bear Bunch goodies

Square Bear mug

Many more such nifty items are available on ebay, many of such being comics(which I highly recommend.) :)

"Let's split!"



Fanart of Botch saying his signature phrase.

Another fanart I just had to add. (This one's just silly.)

Donald Duck in Trail of the Unicorn

This unicorn looks like he ought to switch to low-cal oats.

As per my previous post, I found this very nifty Donald Duck comic online. Uncle Scrooge has called Donald and the kids to help him find a unicorn for his zoo, for which he'll pay handsomely. Scrooge mentions having seen one in the Himalayas, so Donald and the kids trek off to India in hopes of procuring one of these fantastic beasts, but Gladstone Gander plans to sabotage their efforts (as usual). If you like Donald Duck and you like unicorns, this is the comic for you!

You can read it here!