Joke of the Week #81

A long time ago, in medieval England, two knights, one tall and one short, are riding out into the mountains to battle a dragon. As they reach the outside of the dragon's cave, the short knight turns to his associate and says, "I'm going in after the dragon. You just wait out here in case he comes out."

"Sure thing." the tall knight obliges, upon which the short knight disembarks his horse and traipses inside.

After wandering through the darkness for a few minutes, the short knight hears a loud rumbling roar and looks up to see the dragon, smoke pouring from his nostrils, staring him right in the face. "Say," the short knight says. "I'll be that I can prove to you that dragons don't exist."

"All right." the beast agrees, upon which the short knight takes a pocket dictionary out of a pocket in his armor and hands it to the dragon. The dragon puts on his reading glasses and pores over the dictionary, "Hmm, alligators, apes, armadillos...bats, beagles, bears...ferrets, frogs, foxes...geckos, giraffes, gorillas...lemmings, lemurs, llamas...newts, nightingales, nutrias...opossums, ostriches, otters...skunks, snakes, sparrows...tigers, toads, turtles...walruses, whales, wolves...zebras, zebus, zorillas. Nope, no dragons." And with that, the dragon disappears in a puff of smoke.

As the short knight leaves the cave he's greeted by his associate, who's pleased to see him unharmed. "How did you ever defeat that awful dragon?"

"Oh, wasn't a big deal, really, I just proved to him that dragon's don't exist. By the way, could we stop by the local pet store on our way home? I promised my wife a phoenix for her birthday."

   

Jokes of the Week #74: Daffynitions

Allegro: A lower limb grows longer.

Avowal: An A, E, I, O, or U, sometimes a Y.

Buckboard: An excellent price for lumber.
            Also, Buccaneer: An excellent price for corn.

Bulkhead: A massive hat.

Bumpkin: To nudge one's relative.

Calcium: What Cal said when he saw 'em.

Circumflex: A polite invitation for a friend to come and work out with you.

Condescend: The act of a crook lowering him/herself down on a rope.

Deduce: D'lowest card in d'deck.

Defense: It surrounds d'yard.

Denounce: D'words that describe d'objects.

Falsehood: 1. Someone who masquerades as a crook.
                    2. A fake hoodie.

Filmdom: The movie stinks.

Gangway: A bunch of people standing on a scale.

Implies: The little rotter is fibbing.
                Also, Implore: Stories about the little rotter.

Indistinct: Where people put dirty dishes.

Kinship: Your rich uncle's boat.

Knapsack: Another word for sleeping bag.

Notator: No sour cream or chives, either.

Observatory: What a colonial general might tell a scout to do.

Overbear: A better place to be than under one, albeit not by much.

Parrafins: What one might find on a fish's sides.

Plaintiff: A run-of-the mill spat.

Rampage: The part of the dictionary about male sheep.

Rattan: What a rat might get at the beach.

Tenure: Fiveure plus fiveure.

Uproar: The sound a flying lion might make.

Valorous: A big animal vis tusks; lives in ze vasser.

Vanguard: Someone who guards station wagons.

Versicle: 1. A frozen poem.
                2. A multi-talented icicle.

Washable: Something a ranchhand might do, but very carefully. ("Wash a bull.")

Whereto: Whereone plus whereone.
               Also, Wherefore: Whereto plus whereto.

Windjammer: Someone who spreads jam on their toast in a tornado.

Xerophyte: No spat.

Zealotry: What a tree seller would like to do.

From Nickelodeon Magazine.

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