Mr. Monster:"Honey, I just can't stand our neighbors."
Mrs. Monster:"Well, then just eat the vegetables, dear."
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What do you get if you cross a famous monster with a famous scientist?
Frank Einstein.
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What happened when the Abominable Snowman ate a bowl of five-alarm chili?
He melted.
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What did Quasimodo do after he brushed his teeth?
He gargoyled.
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A skeleton goes into a coffee shop and says, "I'd like a mocha latte and a mop, please."
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How did the little vampire disturb his class?
With his coffin.
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"Mom, everyone at school calls me a werewolf."
"Oh, don't listen to them, Honey, just comb your face."
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What TV comedy dealt with ghosts stranded on a desert island?
Ghoul-igan's Island.
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What does Godzilla eat when he goes out to a restaurant?
The restaurant.
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Why was Dr. Frankenstein never lonely?
He could always
make friends.
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Is Dracula married?
No, he's always been a bat-chelor.
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Why did the Invisible Man's son flunk third grade?
His teacher kept marking him absent.
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?
Because he had no body to dance with.
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Monster:"I've changed my mind."
Dr. Frankenstein:"Good, does the new one work any better?"
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Why were kids in ancient Egypt so well-mannered?
Because they had such great respect for their mummies.
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Invisible Man:"Did you miss me while I was gone?"
Invisible Woman:"Oh, were you gone?"
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What restaurant would you never find Dracula in?
A stake house.
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Why does Godzilla breathe fire and stomp on cars?
Because his favorite food is toast and traffic jam.
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Why did Godzilla hang out at the computer store at Halloween?
So he could bob for Apples!
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How close was the vampire race?
It was neck-and-neck.
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Did you hear about the dopey ghost?
He kept climbing over walls.
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What do you get if you cross the Invisible Man with Godzilla?
A great big nothing!
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Did you hear about the lousy vampire slayer?
He tried to drive a porkchop through a vampire's heart because steaks were too expensive.
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Godzilla:"I think we're getting close to the city."
Mrs. Godzilla:"Really? Why's that?"
Godzilla:"We're stepping on more buildings."
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Jessie drives up to a broken-down hotel; she walks up to the front desk and asks for a room.
"We only have one room left," the innkeeper informs her. "But, before I give it to you, I need to warn you that it's the room where the white-eyed ghost resides."
Jessie wasn't concerned. "I'll take the room. I'm not afraid of ghosts."
That night, as Jessie lay down to sleep, she heard an eerie voice wail, "Oooooh....I am the white-eyed ghoooooost...."
"Oh, be quiet," Jessie grumbles. "I'm trying to get some sleep."
"Oooooh....I am the white-eyed ghoooooost...." The ghost wails again.
"I said, hush! Let me sleep!"
"Oooooh....I am the white-eyed ghoooooost...."
Annoyed, Jessie grabs a vase from a nearby stand and flings it at the ghost, who then disappears. Jessie settles into bed again and closes her eyes.
Shortly thereafter, she hears the eerie voice wail, "Oooooh....I am the
black-eyed ghoooooost...."
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What did the critics say about the lousy mummy movie?
"It Sphinx!"
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From Nickelodeon Magazine.
A very happy Halloween to all. :)
