Showing posts with label crooks. Show all posts
Showing posts with label crooks. Show all posts

Thursday, July 31, 2014

PPG Blooper Reels Season One: Powerpuff Bluff

 

The three crooks dash through the front door of the jewelry store and into a nearby alley, toting bags of jewels. As they set the bags down and open them up, the Powerpuffs pop out of the bags, covered in jewels-except for Bubbles, who has a cat on her head.

Bubbles: “Ooh, kitty.”(Picks the cat up and hugs him; the cat begins to purr and lick her face.)

Director: “Cut!”

Take 2

The girls pop out of the bags again; Bubbles now has a dog on her head.

Bubbles: “Ooh, puppy.”(Picks the dog up and hugs her; the dog barks happily and licks Bubbles' face.)

Director: “Cut!”

Take 3

The girls pop out of the bags again; Bubbles now has a rabbit on her head.

Bubbles: “Ooh, bunny.”(Picks up the bunny and hugs him; the bunny chatters with delight.)

Director: “Cut!”

>

The girls and their friends are taking an afternoon nap. In one of the sleeping bags is a kid who resembles Dexter, from Dexter's Laboratory

Dexter Lookalike: “Snore...Ahh, what a fine day for science...Zzzzzz...”(The other kids wake up and look at him oddly.)

Director: “Cut!”

Take 2

Dexter Lookalike: “Snore...Dee Dee...Get out of my laboratory...Guzzz...”(The other kids wake up and look at him oddly again.)

Director: “Cut!”
Bubbles: “I wonder who Dee Dee is.”

Take 3

Dexter Lookalike: “Snore...At last!...My greatest invention is completed!...Snooozzz...”The other kids wake up and look at him oddly again.)

Buttercup(Rubbing her chin with perplexity): “Hmm...I wonder if he might be...No, it couldn't possibly be...Could it?”

>

Crook One(Prancing up to the bank counter, dressed as Blossom): “Ooh, la la-la la-la, hi everybody, it's me, Blossom, of the Powerpuff Girls...”

Director: “Cut!”

Crook One: “What's wrong?”

Director(Irate): “You're supposed to say 'Powerpuff' incorrectly, get it? It's funny!”

Crook One: “If you say so.”

>

Crook Two spray paints an insulting picture of the Mayor on his wall, with the word, “Mayir” under it.

Mayor(Offended): “My nose is not that big!”

Director: “Cut!”

Take 2

Crook Two spray paints an insulting picture of the Mayor on his wall, with the word, “Mayir” under it.

Mayor(Offended): “He didn't even get my good side...”

Director: “Cut!”

Take 3

Crook Two spray paints an insulting picture of the Mayor on his wall, with the word, “Mayir” under it.

Mayor(Offended): “The light's all wrong, part of my face is in shadow...”

Director: “Cut!'

>

The three crooks are eating dinner in a Chinese restaurant. Crook Two opens a fortune cookie and reads the fortune.

Crook Two: “'There's a giant monster behind you.'”(The three of them then whip around to see an enormous, purple, Godzilla-like monster standing over them.)

Monster: “RAAAAAAHHHHHHRRRRR!”

Crooks: “AHHHHHHH!”(They all run scared.)

Director: “Cut!”

Take 2

The three crooks are eating dinner in a Chinese restaurant. Crook Two opens a fortune cookie and reads the fortune.

Crook Two: “'You have a cat on your head.'...Hmm, that's strange, I wonder what it means...”(He doesn't notice that there's now a cat sleeping on top of his head; his two associates look at him oddly.)

Director: “Cut!”

Take 3

The three crooks are eating dinner in a Chinese restaurant. Crook Two opens a fortune cookie and reads the fortune.

Crook Two: “'You are about to be trampled by a herd of wild buffalo.'...Herd of wild buffalo?”(Suddenly, a herd of wild buffalo comes out of nowhere and tramples the three of them.)

Crooks(Weakly): “Ow...”

Director: “Cut!”




Saturday, January 18, 2014

Joke of the Week #90

An outlaw in the old west has been captured and taken to the judge.

Judge: "Is it true that you've held up several trains in this area?"

Outlaw: "Well, yes and no."

Judge: Where did you hold up the trains?"

Outlaw: "Here and there."

Judge: "What did you steal from the passengers?"

Outlaw: "This and that."

Judge: "Sherriff, arrest this man!"

Outlaw: "Hey! When do I get out?"

Judge: "Oh, sooner or later."


Saturday, January 11, 2014

Joke of the Week #89

A police officer was escorting a prisoner to jail when a gust of wind blew his hat down the street. "Would you like me to go get it for you?" the crook inquires.

"You must think I'm really dumb," the cop replies indignantly. "I'd like for you to wait here while I go get it."

From Nickelodeon Magazine.

Saturday, October 5, 2013

Classic Cartoon Showcase: Shirt Tales in Nearsighted Bear and Magical Musical Caper

In the first half of this classic episode, the cuddly little heroes are given tickets to the Golden Brothers' Circus, which includes Cosmo the famous performing bear(No relation). Cosmo is a bit nearsighted, but is hesitant to wear his glasses, for fear that he'll look like a nerd; unfortunately, this spells trouble for his performance. Can the Shirt Tales convince Cosmo to wear his glasses before his act goes south?

In the second half, a criminal named the hand(So called because his face has never been seen) has been robbing the ticket booths of several concerts, including that of Rick's fav band the Patriots! Can the furry little superguys stop this faceless fiend before it's too late? Please enjoy!



Saturday, March 30, 2013

Joke of the Week #49

Warden(Hears sawing noises coming from a nearby cell): "Say, what's going on over there?"

Prisoner: "I have to confess...I'm sawing the bars."

Warden: "Watch your grammar. You mean, 'I'm seeing the bars.'"

Thursday, January 10, 2013

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Bookstore:The Armpit of Doom by Kenn Nesbitt

Proceed with extreme caution.
 
 
A very humorous book of poems with very nifty anime style artwork, with such profundities as the titular poem, concerning the boy with the world's stankyest armpit*, "Gilman Glum", about the boy who not only loves sucking his thumb, but claims that his thumb is the tastiest ever, "Pansy P. Petunia", regarding a girl who smells like flowers, and thus never needs to bathe, "Rudy Tude" which concerns the world's rudest guy, "Our Teacher Sings the Beatles", regarding a teacher who sings a bevy of popular songs, "Happy Birthday," in which the narrator gives the birthday boy or girl such very "generous" gifts as smelly gym socks, used pens, old batteries, dust balls et al.**, "When Frankenstein Was Just a Kid", telling of the time in the famous monster's younger days when he ate so many green vegetables he ended up with his signature green color, "Auntie Gravity", concerning the aunt who bakes levitating baked goods with her "Secret X" ingedient***, and "My Pig Won't Let Me Watch TV", told from the POV of a kid whose pet pig hogs the remote. If you like funny poems and you like anime, this is the book for you!
 
 
Here are a couple of my faves:
 
 
Advice to the guy in the picture:Get help immediately!!
 
 
Gotta love stupid criminals. You know, one wonders if Bertie might have been one of Tubbs' ancestors...(Honestly, he missed a good bet if he wasn't!)
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
*This should qualify him for Ripley's or something.
 
**The birthday boy or girl is probably thinking, in words of the ever-quotable Charlie Brown, "How can you stand being so nice to me?"
 
***Hmm, perhaps she's Professor Utonium's aunt?
 




Saturday, January 5, 2013

Joke of the Week #37

A police officer arrives at the scene of a convenience store holdup. "So, you say that the suspect made off with three bags of popcorn, two bags of peanuts, three packages of crackers, the cash register, and a pair of pants?"

"That's right, officer." the cashier says.

"Well, if I may say, it was very wise of you not to chase after him."

"Begging your pardon, sir, but I didn't have much choice," the cashier replies. "They were my pants."

From Nickelodeon Magazine

Saturday, October 20, 2012

Joke of the Week #26

Larry:"I lost my job as a bank guard today."

Lizzie:"Really? What happened?"

Larry:"This masked man bursts through the door with a gun and a bag a tells the teller to put all the money in the bag, or else, so I take out my gun, and tell him that if he takes one step closer, I'll let him have it. So, he takes one step closer..."

Lizzie:"Ooh, what did you do then?"

Larry:"I let him have it. I didn't even care about that lousy old gun!"


From Nickelodeon Magazine.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Joke of the Week #1

Harold and Jack are going to rob a bank. Harold says, "All right, Jack, here's what you have to do:take this gun and this bag, go into the bank, hold the gun on the teller and tell her to put all the money in the bag, then hurry back out to the car before the cops show up. Meanwhile, I'll be here in the car taking all the chances."

Jack says, "Now, wait just a second here, Harold. If I'm the one going in, getting all the money, and hurrying back out while you're here in the car the whole time, how are you the one taking all the chances?"

Harold says, "Because I can't drive."



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