First alien robot(to car): "If you don't answer me, I'm going to punch you!"
Second alien robot: "That's not fair. Look, that guy's wearing glasses."
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Astronaut: "Say, wanna fly?"
Copilot: "Sure!"
Astronaut: "Wait here, I'll catch one for you."
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First alien: "Excuse me, please, is that the sun or the moon?"
Second alien: "I'm not sure, I'm not from around here either."
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Zoe: "Have you ever noticed that aliens have no noses?"
Sam: "Yeah, I wonder how they smell."
Zoe: "Oh,
terrible."
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How can you tell if an alien has been using your toothbrush?
It glows in the dark.
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How did Mary's little lamb get to Mars?
By rocket sheep.
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First alien robot, observing a stationwagon, to second alien robot: "No wonder this guy can't talk. Someone stuffed his mouth full of suitcases!"
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Why are E.T.'s eyes so big?
Because his phone bill is
insane!
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Two aliens land their spaceship in the middle of a city. As they're traipsing down the sidewalk, they come across a fire hydrant. "Greetings," the first alien says. "We come in peace. Take us to your leader."
The second alien bursts out laughing. "You're not going to get very far asking a little kid for help!"
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Did you hear that Dracula's starring in the new Star Wars movie? It's called, "The Vampire Strikes Back."
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Two aliens land on a traffic corner, next to a streetlight.
"Hey, I saw her first!" the first alien exclaims.
"Well, I'm the one she winked at!" the second alien replies.
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Alien: "Are you tan from the sun?"
Astronaut: "No, I'm Sam from Earth."
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Two astronauts were in a space craft circling thousands of miles above the earth. According to plan, one of them would leave the ship and go on a fifteen-minute space walk while the other stayed inside.
After completing her walk, the first astronaut tries to get back inside, but the door's locked. She knocks at the door. No answer. She knocks harder. Still no answer. She pounds with all her might.
Finally, after what had seemed like hours, a voice replies, "Who
iiiiiiiis iiiiiiiiit?"
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How can you tell if an alien's been wearing your hat?
It's stretched out to three times its size.
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Two aliens are flying through space, looking for a place to eat. The first one says, "Say, want to try that new restaurant on Earth's moon called the Lunar Cafe?"
The second alien replies, "I know that place. The food's good, but there's just no atmosphere."
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What do Martian chickens lay?
Eggs-traterrestrials.
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Two aliens are flying their spaceship over the Atlantic Ocean. The first one says, "Wow, look at all that water."
The second one replies, "Yeah, and that's just the top."
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How did the alien wreck his spaceship?
He kept driving into black holes.
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Alien robot, to gas pump: "Get your fingers out of your ears and listen to me!"
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Henry is walking down the street, when a salesman rushes up to him. "Friend," the salesman says. "Have I got a deal for you! I have a full-grown Martian going for only $50."
"Hmm," Henry muses. "May I ask how big this Martian is?"
"He's fifteen feet tall and weighs ten tons."
"Ten tons?!" a shocked Henry exclaims. "I live in a small, one room apartment with my wife, five kids and a dog. I can't possibly buy a ten ton, fifteen-foot Martian for $50!"
"All right," the salesman replies persuasively. "How about five Martians for $100?"
Henry smiles. "You've got yourself a deal!"
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How many ears does Mr. Spock have?
Three. His left one, his right one, and, "The Final Front-ear."
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Two astronauts land on a distant planet. After they've walked a little ways, they come across a small purple furry creature with no features save for two eyes and a pair of large feet.
"Greetings, Earthlings," the creature says. "We are the Furries from Planet Furdonia."
"Are you the leader?" one of the astronauts inquires.
"No, I'm just an ordinary furry," the Furry replies. "But I'll be happy to take you to our leader. Please follow me."
The astronauts follow the Furry to a large odd-looking castle-like structure; he leads them through the door, up a spiral staircase, and into a room where a giant furry purple creature wearing a hypodermic needle on his head is sitting on a throne.
"Pardon us," one of the astonauts inquires. "But are you the leader?"
The giant furry creature replies, "Yes, I am the Furry with the syringe on top."
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How can you tell when aliens agree with each other?
They see eye-to-eye-to-eye-to-eye-to-eye-to-eye-to-eye-to-eye.
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From Nickelodeon Magazine.
