Joke of the Week #40

A chicken walks into a library; he goes up to the librarian's desk. "Book."

"You'd like a book?" the librarian replies.

"Book."

The librarian hands the chicken a book, and he leaves. The next day, the chicken comes back. "Book, book."

"You'd like two books?"

"Book, book."

The librarian hands the chicken two books, and he leaves again. The next day, the chicken comes back again. "Book, book, book."

"You'd like three books?"

"Book, book, book."

The librarian hands the chicken three books, and he leaves yet again. Well, by now, the librarian's curiosity is getting the better of her, so she decides to follow the chicken and see where he goes.

She follows him down the sidewalk, through an alleyway, through a field, and down to a pond. The chicken stops by the edge of the pond, upon which, a frog swims up to him. The chicken lays the books out in front of the frog, who looks each of them over and says, "Read it, read it, read it..."

From Nickelodeon Magazine

Classic Cartoon Showcase: Before They Were Stars: Donald Duck in The Wise Little Hen

Here, in the spirit of the previous post, is Donald Duck's first-ever cartoon! In this classic rendition of the tale of the Little Red Hen, the titular hen finds a kernel of corn which she plans to plant and harvest. The only problem is, she can't convince lazy Donald Duck and Peter Pig to help her with any of the work! What will she do? Please enjoy!

 

 

Fun Fact: Donald's buddy Peter Pig was voiced, like Donald himself, by Clarence "Ducky" Nash; apparently, according to Walt Disney, the reason Peter disappeared after this cartoon was that his voice was even more unintelligible than Donald's. Peter did, however, eventually migrate to the comics, where this wasn't a problem. 

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Bookstore:Donald Duck in A Christmas for Shacktown by Carl Barks

Quack, Quack, Quack, Donald Duck,

He's my little pal,



Quack, Quack, Quack, Donald Duck,

Daisy is his gal,

Quack, Quack, Quack, Donald Duck,

In his sailor suit,

Quack, Quack, Quack, Donald Duck,

Gee, I think he's cute!

I love the way he waddles and I like to hear him talk,

And when somebody makes him mad,

QUACK! QUACK! QUACK! How he can squawk!

Quack, Quack, Quack, Donald Duck,

Cocky as can be,

Quack, Quack, Quack, Donald Duck,

Here's what he taught me,

When someone knocks you down,

Get right up again,

Show some pluck like Donald Duck,

QUACK, QUACK, QUACK, QUACK, QUACK!

 

 

 

The second volume in Carl Bark's ever popular Donald Duck series, this high-quality collection catalogues the further adventures of a certain famous duck, his nephews Huey, Dewey, and Louie, his girlfriend Daisy, his Uncle Scrooge, and guest pest Gladstone Gander. Some must-reads are:

 

 

A Christmas for Shacktown-Donald, Daisy, and the kids all want to chip in money to make a good Christmas for the impoverished families of Shacktown. There's just one tiny little itsy-bitsy(fairly huge) caveat: getting tight-fisted Uncle Scrooge to part with so much as a penny!(As the ever-quotable Babs Bunny once said, "Playing on his sympathy has worse odds than the lottery!") How will Donald get the money?

 

The Big Bin on Killmotor Hill-Uncle Scrooge builds a new maximum-security money bin, which the Beagle Boys evince an interest in. Can Donald help save his uncle's fortune?

 

The Screaming Cowboy-Donald composes and sells a song to a radio station, thus winning a trip to the mountains. Little does he know that a hermit living there despises the song! (There's a Little Bad Wolf lookalike kid in this story, BTW.)

 

Oh, please.

 

Statuesque Spendthrifts-One of the funnier stories in this collection, Uncle Scrooge and the Maharajah of Howdoyustan feud with each other over who's richer by each building bigger and bigger statues.

 

Rocket Wing Saves the Day-The kids adopt a racing pidgeon and train him for an upcoming pidgeon race; there's just one problem...he's afraid of train whistles!

 

 

The Think Box Bollix-Donald is annoyed when the kids begin helping wacky inventor Gyro Gearloose with his inventions, and tries to play a prank on them...but the prank backfires(majorly)!

 

 

 

An excellent read, and a good companion piece to Lost in the Andes.

 

 

 

Buy it on Amazon!





Jokes of the Week #39:Come and Knock on our Door

Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Who-who.

Who-who who?

What are you, an owl?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Annette.

Annette who?

Annette keeps your hair tidy.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Knock Knock.

Who's there?

Dozen.

Dozen who?

Dozen look like rain.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Ivan.

Ivan who?

"Ivan working on the railroad, all the livelong day..."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Free Stew.

Free Stew who?

The Free Stew-ges.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Nobel.

Nobel who?

Nobel, so I Knock Knocked.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Alda and Alda.

Alda and Alda who?

I'm getting Alda and Alda waiting out here!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Despair.

Despair who?

Despair tire is flat.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Turnip.

Turnip who?

Turnip the heat, it's freezing out here.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Canoe.

Canoe who?

"If Canoe you were comin', I'd have baked a cake..."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Miniature.

Miniature who?

Miniature out here, I'll tell you.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Toledo.

Toledo who?

It's easy Toledo horse to water, but you can't make him drink.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Knock-Knock-Knock-Knock-Knock-Knock-Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Iggy the Octopus.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Knock-Scratch.

Who's there?

Captain Hook.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Olga.

Olga who?

Olga food at this restaurant is delicious!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jack: "Knock-Knock."

Jill: "Who's there?"

Jack: "Eiffel."

Jill: "Eiffel who?"

Jack: "Eiffel down and broke my crown."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Lucas Tell.

Lucas Tell who?

Lucas Tell-o and Bud Abbot.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Dakota.

Dakota who?

Dakota fit fine, but da-pants-a too big!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Eugenie.

Eugenie who?

Eugenie in a bottle's gonna grant you three wishes!


Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Hewlett.

Hewlett who?

Hewlett me out of this bottle!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Heywood Hugh Harry

Heywood Hugh Harry who?

Heywood Hugh Harry and open this door?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Euripedes.

Euripedes pants, and I'll sue you.


Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Eumenedes.

Eumenedes who?

Eumenedes pants, and I won't.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Sun Bear.

Sun Bear who?

"Sun Bear, over the rainbow..."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Ohio.

Ohio who?

Ohio, Silver! Awaaaaaaaaaaay!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

That's my knees! I'm scared!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Dandelion.

Dandelion who?

It's just Dandelion 'round here, doin' nothin'.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Castanetts.

Castanetts who?

If you Castanetts inna water, you'll catch plenty of fish.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Wilma.

Wilma who?

Wilma frog turn into a prince?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Diploma.

Diploma who?

Diploma's here to fix da bathtub.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Stan Law.

Stan Law who?

Stan Law-rel and Oliver Hardy.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Howie.

Howie who?

Fine, thank you. How are you?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Linda.

Linda who?

Could you Linda hand for a second? I got heavy groceries.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Darth Vader.

Darth Vader who?

Darth Vader cookie crumbles.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Minneapolis.

Minneapolis who?

Minneapolis got worms in 'em.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Burglar.

Burglar who...wait, burglars don't knock!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Knox.

Knox who?

Knock-Knox on the door.


Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Knox.

Knox who?

Knock-Knox on the door.


Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Knox.

Knox who?

Knock-Knox on the door.


Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Knox.

Knox who?

Knock-Knox on the door.


Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Fred.

Fred who?

Fred I was going to say Knock-Knox on the door again, weren't you?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Phyllis.

Phyllis who?

Phyllis pitcher up with lemonade.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Shelby?

Shelby who?

"Shelby comin' 'round the mountain when she comes..."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Amanda.

Amanda who?

Amanda fix the sink.


Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Mandalay.

Mandalay who?

Mandalay the bathroom tiles.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Pudding.

Pudding who?

Pudding your underwear on before your pants is a very bad idea.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Pecan.

Pecan who?

Pecan the cookie jar and see if there are any left.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Arnold.

Arnold who?

Arnold friend from Transylvania.


Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Samoa.

Samoa who?

Samoa old friends from Transylvania.


Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Waterway.

Waterway who?

Waterway going to do with all these old friends from Transylvania?


Knock-Knock.

Who's there?

Cargo.

Cargo who?

Cargo BEEP BEEP! over all the old friends from Transylvania.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Knock-Knock...Knock-Knock...Hmm, guess nobody's there.

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From Nickelodeon Magazine.

Funny Poem Showcase:There Was an Old Person of Burton by Edward Lear

At least he didn't say, "WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE?!" :-D

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Bookstore:Bing Bang Boing by Douglas Florian

Hope she doesn't get a headache...

 

 

 

As the title and cover art alone indicate, this is one of the most surreal books of poems you may ever read!(Salvador Dali would have loved it.) The poems concern such profundities as a motorcycling grandpa, a robot who(literally!) does anything and everything, the world's most inedible cafeteria food, a genuis baby, extreme neat freak Mrs. Preet, Madame Doubletalk, whose sentences contradict themselves, Little-Naughty-Nasty Ned, who might be Rudy Tude's little brother, the world's skinniest man and the world's fattest man, a barn swallow who swallows a barn, a man who mails himself to Zanzibar(with predictable results), and a word-eating monster who eats two-thirds of a poem. If you like weird and wacky poems, this is the book for you!

 

Here are a couple of my faves:

 

Well, that's one way to do it.

 

A classic, to be sure.

 

 

 

 

Buy it on Amazon!

 



 

 

Joke of the Week #38

Two doctors are talking about their work. "I had great success with a recent patient of mine," the first doctor says. "This man came into my office one day and told me that he thought he was as small as a housefly."

"Were you able to cure him?" the second doctor inquires.

"I told him that many of the world's greatest people were small. He was doing very well after that, then...I lost him."

"What happened?"

"It was tragic." the first doctor sighs sadly. "Someone hit him with a flyswatter."

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Bookstore:The Armpit of Doom by Kenn Nesbitt

Proceed with extreme caution.

 

 

A very humorous book of poems with very nifty anime style artwork, with such profundities as the titular poem, concerning the boy with the world's stankyest armpit*, "Gilman Glum", about the boy who not only loves sucking his thumb, but claims that his thumb is the tastiest ever, "Pansy P. Petunia", regarding a girl who smells like flowers, and thus never needs to bathe, "Rudy Tude" which concerns the world's rudest guy, "Our Teacher Sings the Beatles", regarding a teacher who sings a bevy of popular songs, "Happy Birthday," in which the narrator gives the birthday boy or girl such very "generous" gifts as smelly gym socks, used pens, old batteries, dust balls et al.**, "When Frankenstein Was Just a Kid", telling of the time in the famous monster's younger days when he ate so many green vegetables he ended up with his signature green color, "Auntie Gravity", concerning the aunt who bakes levitating baked goods with her "Secret X" ingedient***, and "My Pig Won't Let Me Watch TV", told from the POV of a kid whose pet pig hogs the remote. If you like funny poems and you like anime, this is the book for you!

 

 

Here are a couple of my faves:

 

 

Advice to the guy in the picture:Get help immediately!!

 

 

Gotta love stupid criminals. You know, one wonders if Bertie might have been one of Tubbs' ancestors...(Honestly, he missed a good bet if he wasn't!)

 

 

 

 

Buy it on Amazon!

 

 

 

 

*This should qualify him for Ripley's or something.

 

**The birthday boy or girl is probably thinking, in words of the ever-quotable Charlie Brown, "How can you stand being so nice to me?"

 

***Hmm, perhaps she's Professor Utonium's aunt?

 







Joke of the Week #37

A police officer arrives at the scene of a convenience store holdup. "So, you say that the suspect made off with three bags of popcorn, two bags of peanuts, three packages of crackers, the cash register, and a pair of pants?"

"That's right, officer." the cashier says.

"Well, if I may say, it was very wise of you not to chase after him."

"Begging your pardon, sir, but I didn't have much choice," the cashier replies. "They were my pants."

From Nickelodeon Magazine

He's Just a Junk Food Junkie, With a Junk Food Pedigree!

This is my latest fanfiction, which is a reimagining/retelling of the Pound Puppies episode, Garbage Night:The Musical.  In this story, Holly takes her furry friends out for a night on the town, upon which they discover Scrounger's started a restaurant serving meals reflecting his culinary tastes(Read:made of garbage*). Meanwhile, the Pound Puppies have to put a stop to Katrina, who's using a garbage truck to lure stray dogs, all with much hilarity ensuing. Please enjoy!

 

Garbage Night:The Musical Novelization

 

 

 

Here, BTW, is a picture of Tommy, an OC I added to the story. He's a busboy at Scrounger's restaurant; he's shown in and out of uniform here.

 

 

*Sigh, what would Robert Irvine say?

 

 





Hello 2013!

A very Happy New Year to all! Hope this year is even better than the last!

From Nickelodeon Magazine.

 

My, how time flies! :-D