Timmy:"No."
Teacher:"Do you ever cheat on tests?"
Timmy:"No."
Teacher:"Do you ever play practical jokes?"
Timmy:"No."
Teacher:"Well, surely you must do something wrong sometimes!"
Timmy:"I tell lies."
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Teacher:"Myles, can you show us where North America is on the map, please?"
Myles:"Here it is."
Teacher:"Thank you. Now, class, Can you tell me who discovered North America?"
Class:"Myles!"
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Mom:"How was scool today, Billy?"
Billy:"Oh, some lady didn't know how to spell "cat", so I just told her."
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Teacher:"May I see your homework assignment, please, Molly?"
Molly:"I'm sorry, I can't. It blew away while I was walking to school."
Teacher:"Oh, really? And why were you late for school?"
Molly:"I had to wait for a strong wind."
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Teacher:"On Monday you told me your homework blew away. On Tuesday you said it fell in a mud puddle. On Wednesday you said it landed in the middle of the street and a street sweeper picked it up. On Thursday you said it fell into a wood chipper. Then I asked you to bring your parents to school today, so, where are they?"
Molly:"Uhm...uhh...my...dog ate them?"
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Teacher:"Sammy, do you remember what a tree's outside is called?"
Sammy:"Uhm, I forget."
Teacher:"Bark, Sammy, bark!"
Sammy:"Ruff! Ruff! Ruff!"
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Teacher:"Can anyone tell me why bears sleep for six months?"
Hayley:"Who'd be brave enough to wake them?"
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Teacher:"Donna, can you spell 'wrong' for me?"
Donna:"R-O-N-G."
Teacher:"That's wrong!"
Donna:"But, wasn't that what you wanted?"
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Jessie has been sent to the principal's office.
Principal:"Did you call your teacher a big meanie?"
Jessie:"Yes."
Principal:"And did you call her a wicked old witch?"
Jessie:"Yes."
Principal:"And did you call her a tomato-nosed beanbag?"
Jessie:"No, but I'll remember that for next time!"
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Teacher:"If you had 10 apples in one hand and 15 apples in the other hand, what would you have?"
Mimi:"Very big hands."
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Teacher:"Which is farther away, the moon or New York City?"
Bailey:"New York City."
Teacher:"Why do you think so?"
Bailey:"Because I can see the moon, but I can't see New York City."*
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Teacher:"Your father's hair would turn grey if he saw the way you've been acting in class today!"
Carl:"Actually, it probably wouldn't bother him that much-he's bald."
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Teacher:"Can anyone tell me who wrote Tom Sawyer?"
Henry:"Gosh...I didn't know they had post offices in those days, but it was probably either Huck or Becky."
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Teacher:"Can anyone tell me what the Nina, Pinta, and Santa Maria were?"
Ashley:"I'm not sure, I just don't know that much about salsa music."
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A third grade class walks into school one day and are surprised to see that their new teacher is a horse. He was a big horse, but he had a high-pitched, squeaky voice which the kids found hilarious. The kids would crack up everytime he opened his mouth, and he always found himself yelling and screaming for order, but never getting anywhere. One day, the horse lost his voice, so he brought a little pony into class with him. The pony was small, but he had a voice like a foghorn. He hollered, "YOU KIDS BETTER BEHAVE OR ELSE!!!" which restored order immediately. It just goes to show:Whenever you need to keep order, sometimes you have to shout until you get a little horse.
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Erin has been called over to the principal's office.
"I'm sorry," the principal says. "But I just discovered that you cheated on the test you took yesterday, so I'm going to have to change your A+ to an F-. Do you have anything to say?"
"Yes," says Erin. "This is very degrading."
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The teacher gives her class an assignment,"I'd like you all to write a three-page essay on what you'd do if you had a million dollars."
The kids then all start writing dilligently, except Little Joey, who just sits with his feet propped up on his desk the whole time. Finally, when the class is finished with the assignment, they all turn their finished essays in, except Joey, who turns in three blank pieces of paper.
"Joey," the teacher says. "The whole class has worked hard on their essays, while you've done absolutely nothing this whole time. Why is this?"
"Well, you see, ma'am," Joey says. "That's what I'd do if I had a million dollars."
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Teacher:"Where's your pencil, Freida?"
Freida:"I ain't got one."
Teacher:"No, no, Freida, where is your grammar?"
Freida:"She's at home and she ain't got my pencil neither."
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Teacher:"And where is your pencil, Benny?"
Benny:"I ain't got one neither."
Teacher:"How many times must I tell you, Benny? "I don't have one." "You don't have one." "He doesn't have one." "She doesn't have one." "They don't have one." "We don't have one." Do you understand?"
Benny:"Not really. Where did all the pencils go?"
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Pete:"A dog ate my homework."
Teacher:"You don't have a dog."
Pete:"It was a stray."
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(It's like they say, though, if you get caught between the moon and New York City, best that you can do is fall in love.
:-D)
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