"Whee!"
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"I heard you stopped raising cows, Farmer George."
"Had to. Every time I raised them up, they'd fall back down again."
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Little Timmy is digging a hole in his back yard. A neighbor happens by and asks, "What're you doing there, little fella'?"
"My canary died and I'm burying him." Timmy replies.
When the neighbor notices the size of the hole she asks, "Why such a big hole for a canary?"
"Because he's inside your cat."
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Two seagulls are flying over the Rose Bowl. One says to the other, "Look at all those people down there."
"Yeah," the other seagull replies. "Kind of takes the sport out of it, doesn't it."
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Two seagulls are flying over the Kentucky Derby. One says to the other, "I'm putting everything I've got on number eight."
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"Help! Help! I've lost my mousetrap!"
"What kind of mousetrap would make you yell like that?"
"A 800-pound jaguar."
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The papa bear says, "Someone's been eating my porridge."
The mama bear says, "Someone's been eating my porridge."
The baby bear says, "Someone's been eating my porridge."
And the grandma bear says, "I really wish you all would stop complaining. I haven't even made the porridge yet."
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A duck goes into a 7-11 and asks, "Do you have any grapes?"
The guy behind the counter says, "No, we don't carry grapes here." The duck leaves.
The next day, the duck comes back and asks, "Do you have any grapes?"
The guy says, "No we don't sell them here." The duck leaves.
The next day, the duck comes back and says, "Do you have any grapes?"
The guy says, "Listen duck, this is the third day in a row you've come in here asking for grapes and we just don't have them! You come in here asking for grapes one more time and so help me I will glue your stupid webbed feet to the floor!" The duck leaves.
The next day, the duck comes back and asks, "Do you have any glue?"
The guy says, "No."
The duck says, "Good. Do you have any grapes?"
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Now you see it, now you don't, now you see it, now you don't. What is it?
A black lab waking across a zebra crossing.
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A big, mean lion is walking through the jungle. He first comes across a toucan. He pounces on the toucan and growls, "Arrgh, who's the king of the jungle?"
The frightened toucan replies, "You are, you are, you are!!"
The lion then comes across an antelope. He pounces on the antelope and growls, "Arrgh, who's the king of the jungle?"
The frightened antelope replies, "You are, you are, you are!!"
The lion then comes across an elephant. He growls at the elephant, "Arrgh, who's the king of the jungle?"
The elephant smacks the lion with his trunk, picks him up and whacks him on the ground several times, swings him over his head several times and flings him a mile.
The lion says, "Sheesh, no reason to get so upset just because you don't know the answer."
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Did you hear about the wealthy horse?
He made a pile on Wall Street.
By Shel Silverstein.
Prediction:This will not end well.
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