Jokes of the Week#23:Not Smartness

How many doofuses does it take to play tag?

One.

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Did you hear about the dopey owl?

He went around saying, "What? What?"

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How does a doofus spell "Farm"?

"E-I-E-I-O."

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How did the doofus get fired from the M&M factory?

For throwing out the W's!

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Did you hear about the doofus who got a rowing machine for Christmas?

It's a good thing the lake was frozen, or she would have drowned!

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Why did the doofus use white-out on his computer screen?

Because he couldn't find an eraser.

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How can you tell if a fax was sent by a doofus?

There's a stamp on it.

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How do you keep a doofus busy?

Write "Turn Over" on both sides of a card and give it to him.

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How do you confuse a doofus?

Put him in a round room and ask him to stand in the corner.

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Goofy Gertie comes home one day and finds her house on fire. She calls the fire department. "Hurry! Come quick! My house is on fire!" she hollers.

"Uhm, how will we get to your house?" the fireman on the other end asks.

Gertie replies, "Well, what happened to your big red truck?"

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What plays on a doofus' walkman?

"Left foot, right foot, left foot, right foot..."

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Dopey Dan is driving down the highway when his car phone rings; it's his wife. "Honey, you'd better be careful," she says. "I just heard on the radio that there's a car going the wrong way on Main Street."

Dan replies, "It's not just one, there must be hundreds of them!"

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How can you tell if a doofus has been sending e-mails?

There are a bunch of envelopes jammed in his disk drive.

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How did the dopey tap dancer break her leg?

She fell in the sink.

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A dopey guy places a book on the librarian's desk and says, "This book has no plot and way, way, way too many characters!"

The librarian says, "Ah, so that's where the phone book went."

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How do you make a doofus laugh on Saturday?

Tell her a joke on Monday.

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How did the doofus get fired from the fish hook factory?

For throwing out the bent ones!

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Did you hear about the three dopey tourists going for a vacation at Disneyland? They were driving down the highway and saw a sign reading, "DISNEYLAND LEFT", so they went home.

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How can you tell if there's a doofus at the airport?

She's the one throwing bread to the airplanes.

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Why did the doofus want to become a veterinarian?

Because he loved vegetables.

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How long does it take a doofus to change a basement window?

Ten hours. Just one hour to put the window in, but nine hours to dig the hole for the ladder.

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Goofy Gus wants to cook his wife a special dinner for their anniversary. He goes out to the barn, selects a turkey, plucks it and sticks it in the oven. An hour later, Gus realizes he hasn't turned the oven on; he pulls the door open, and the turkey stands up and says, "Listen here, mister, either turn up the heat or give me my feathers back!"

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Why don't doofuses drink Kool-Aid?

They can't ever figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packets.

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Josh:"Floyd, could you look and see if my turn signal is on?"

Floyd:"Yes-no-yes-no-yes-no-yes-no.."

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How do you sink a submarine full of doofuses?

Knock on the door.

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Why did the doofus cover the nail he was hammering with his finger?

The noise was giving him a headache.

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What did the doofus do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur at home?

She moved.

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Why did the doofus return her A.M. radio?

She wanted to listen to music at night.

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Why was the doofus' brain the size of a pea after exercising?

It swelled up.

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Why did the doofus get so excited after he finished a puzzle in two weeks?

Because the box said, "From 4-8 years."

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You and a doofus are on a plane going to Paris. How can you steal her window seat?

Tell her that the seats that are going to Paris are in the middle row.

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Policeman:"Didn't you see the sign? This is a one-way street."

Waldo:"But I was only going one way."

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Interviewer:"If you could talk with anyone, living or dead, who would it be?"

Carl:"The living one."

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Did you hear about the stupid burglar who saw a "WANTED" poster outside the police station and went in and applied for a job?

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How do you confuse a stupid workman?

Lay down three shovels and ask him to take his pick.

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A dopey guy walks into a library and says, "I'd like a hamburger, french fries, and a milkshake, please."

The librarian says, "This is a library."

The guy whispers, "Sorry. I'd like a hamburger, french fries, and a milkshake, please."

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A dopey guy is bragging to his friend about knowing all the state capitols. "Go on, ask me any capitol at all." he says.

"Okay," his friend says. "What's the capitol of Tennessee?

The guy replies, "T."

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Did you hear about the doofus who got a new boomerang for Christmas?

He spent four weeks trying to throw out the old one!

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Why did the doofus stand in front of the mirror with his eyes closed?

He wanted to see what he looked like when he was asleep.

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What's red and hangs in a banana tree?

A goofy strawberry.*

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What goes "Vroom! Screech! Vroom! Screech!"

A doofus trying to drive through a blinking red light.

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Marvin wasn't the brightest man in town, but when the local sherrif was looking for a deputy, he decided to apply for the job.

"Before I hire you, I need you to answer some questions," the sherrif says. "What do 1 and 1 make?"

"11." Marvin replies.

"Well, that wasn't quite what I meant, but I guess technically that's correct." the sherrif says. "Okay, now, what two days of the week start with the letter T?"

"Today and tomorrow." Marvin replies.

 "Well, that wasn't quite what I meant, but I guess technically that's correct." the sherrif says. "Okay, now, for your final question, who killed Abraham Lincoln?"

Marvin thinks long and hard, but is never able to come up with the answer. "Gee...I just don't know."

"I'd like you to go home and think it over." the sherrif says.

That night, after Marvin comes home, his mother asks him how the interview went. "Wonderful, just wonderful!" he replies. "First day on the job, and already I'm working on a murder case!"

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(Hmm, could this be how strawberry banana smoothies are made? :-D)

 

 

 

From Nickelodeon Magazine.



Cartoon Showcase:Ferret and Parrot

This short cartoon was originally one of Cartoon Network's candidates for a new series back in 2001.
This humorous little film stars a moody and somewhat naive ferret(not unlike Peach, in a way), his somewhat stoical parrot friend(who has the annoying habit of repeating everything he hears!), and their inept owner(who, coincidentally, bears a passing resemblance to Mimi's dad, Bud). When Ferret spies a comic strip about a cute girl ferret named Yolanda at the bottom of his cage, he's smitten with its protagonist and conspires to ask her out on a dinner date...but this might be easier said than done! Please enjoy!

Just Peachy

Peach Fuzz is a nifty little ameri-manga series written by husband and wife team Jared Hodges and Lindsay Cibos. This short-lived series, which was the winner of Tokyopop's second Rising Stars of Manga competition, chronicles the adventures of sweet fourth-grader Amanda Keller and her wacky, lovable pet ferret, Peach.(No relation.)

Volume One:

The first volume establishes the story and characters. Nine-year-old Amanda's mother has finally consented to let her have a pet, but Amanda doesn't want an ordinary one, such as the usual dog, cat, fish, hamster et al. One look at the ferrets, however, and she's instantly smitten. She picks one and names her Peach(due to her fuzziness), little knowing that Peach is a very prissy ferret who fancies herself a princess(Princess Peach?), and has the Walter Mitty-esque tendency to fantasize ordinary things as extraordinary, such as envisioning her cage as a dungeon, Amanda's toys as monsters, and Amanda's hand as a vicious, five-headed beast called the Handra!

Worse still, when set upon by this "Handra", Peach bites in defense! It's up to Amanda to train Peach to behave...but will she be successful?

Volume Two:

 

Amanda has successfully trained Peach(Finally!) and plans to take her to school for show-and-tell. Amanda isn't very popular in school, and hopes that her new pet will stack the odds in her favor;unfortunately, while Peach is quite popular with the class, Amanda herself still gets left out. :-(  A plan is hatched by Amanda's popular(and sometimes sassy) friend Kim Chang(pictured on the cover, above) to get her in good with the class: a ferret costume, made by Kim herself!

Unfortunately, after Amanda gets good props from the teacher for her costume, the(VERY nasty!) school bullies Phil and Tim conspire against her. These guys are really mean, but fortunately, they get their well-deserved comeuppance in the end.

Also introduced in this book is Kim's pet ferret Pavaratty, or "Pava" for short.(Pictured with her on the cover.) Pava is a conceited sort who fancies himself a famous actor/singer/dancer; he rudely chides Peach, denying that she could ever be considered a princess, at which she then gives him what for!

Volume Three:

After Peach escapes from her cage yet again, Amanda's athletic(and rather superstitious) friend Mimi Santini(pictured on the cover, above) suggests that Peach may simply be lonely. At Amanda's request, her mom consents to let her buy a second ferret; Amanda selects a fancy ferret(Peach is a sable) whom her mom names Edwin(after a hero in her favorite novel). Peach is elated by Edwin's presence, fancying him the ferret prince she's been pining for...an emotion that's quickly shattered once she gets to know him. Edwin is very klutzy, goofy, ill-mannered, overly dramatic, and very, very loopy(He believes that vets are aliens, 'nuff said), far from the prince she'd envisioned.

Amanda pays a visit to Mimi's house, where she meets Mimi's equally superstitious family, who are all unnaturally obsessed with mushrooms(...Huh? Mushrooms?), as well as Mimi's albino ferrets Truffle and Spore, with mention also made of the late Puffball(All three of whom are pictured with her on the cover). Like their owner, Truffle and Spore are very superstitious sorts(But also somewhat creepy!); they warn Peach of the curse plaguing their land, and suggest that she and Edwin might be its next victims. Peach, however doesn't believe them...at least, not at first!

Have mercy, those albino ferrets are creepy...but sorta' creepy cool, though.

My thoughts:Overall, this is a very cool, interesting, hard-to-put-down series of comics, with a very clever concept(A comic about a ferret). The comics are well-written, with ginger-peachy artwork, and likeable, relatable characters; the ferrets in particular are cute, funny, and lovable. Each of the books also have some very nifty extra features, such as:

-Peach's Monster Compendium, chronicling the various "beasts" Peach has encountered throughout the story.

-Pavaratty's Ferret Terminology,  in which Pava educates the reading audience on various ferret facts.

-Bios of each major character, complete with sketches.

-Sketches diagramming each major story location(Amanda's house, Mimi's house, the school et al.)

My only major beefs about this series were: 

-The series didn't last very long, which IMHO was quite a shame, considering how good it was. :-(

-Although the storylines concerning the ferrets were given closure, the storylines concerning the humans never were.

-It would have been nice to see Edwin and the white ferrets a little more. (I may be slightly biased because I like Edwin, though.)

-We never get to know Puffball before he dies, save for the snippets of information given about him in book three.

 

Overall, this is a very cool manga series, worth plenty of re-reads. As the ever-quotable Brighteyes once said, it's "Super peachy-keen!" :-D 

 

 

Buy Volume One on Amazon!

 

Buy Volume Two on Amazon!

 

Buy Volume Three on Amazon!



Here also, though not related to the books, is a(very cute!) ferret princess plushie, perfect for those who might want a "Peach" of their own, or knows someone who does.

 

 

Aurora Princess Farrah plushie

 

Aurora Princess Farrah plushie with carrier

 

 

A couple of things I just had to add:

 

Okay, well...

 

 

FERRRRRET KOMBAAAAAAT!!!

 

Love Edwin's expression in this pic, "Huh?"

 

 

Fun fact:Lindsay Cibos based the concept off of her own pet ferrets, Momoko and Elf.



Music Showcase:Johnny Get Angry by Joanie Sommers

Here's Joanie Sommers(very cool!) hit song from the movie The Summer of '42. (This is a good song to listen to while watching the cartoon in the previous post.) Please enjoy!

Cartoon Showcase:Before They Were Stars:Johnny Bravo

In this pilot episode of what would eventually become a famed Cartoon Network series, the famous musclebound buffoon is asked by a pretty zookeeper(whom, of course, he develops a crush on) to help find an escaped gorilla. Johnny obliges; unfortunately, he(literaly!) wouldn't know a gorilla if he saw one-a fact not lost on the(somewhat loopy) gorilla, who easily fools Johnny. Please enjoy!

Oh yeah, he's all over it.

Funny Poem Showcase:For a Rainy Afternoon by Shel Silverstein

The author of this poem is not responsible for any groundings and/or sentences to the school principal's office.

Joke of the Week #22

A zoo receives a gnu. Upon the gnu's arrival, the zookeeper notices that, unfortunately, the tiling job on the gnu's cage hasn't been finished; since it's a bit late, they determine that they'll just have to finish the job tomorrow.

The next morning, the zookeeper happens by the gnu's cage and is shocked to see that the gnu has finished the tiling job all by himself, and done an impeccable job as well! The zookeeper is so astounded that he rushes to the zoo manager and tells him what's happened. The zoo manager doesn't believe it at first, so the zookeeper leads him to the gnu's cage and shows him. The manager is so amazed that he calls a TV news crew to come over to the zoo at once.

The newscaster asks the manager, "And, how do you explain this phenomenon, sir?"

The manager shrugs. "He's just a typical gnu, and tiler, too."

Funny Poem Showcase:Whodunnit by Eve Merriam

He has the right to remain silent...for all of our sakes!

Joke of the Week #21

Mom(looking Jimmy's report card over):"How did you get an F minus in history?"

Jimmy:"I don't really know, everything my teacher says just seems to go in both ears and out the other."

Mom:"But, that's three ears."

Jimmy:"I'm not doing so well at math, either."